Oh, American Housewife. I was so looking forward to this new show on ABC. It features Katy Mixon as Katie Otto, a stay at home mom in Westport, Connecticut, and the biggest mom in the neighborhood. She rebels against all the other moms who all do yoga together, drink "gross green drinks," dress like their kids, and obsess over the latest fashion. Katie wants to make sure her three kids--teenage Taylor, budding entrepreneur Oliver, and Anna-Kat, who has OCD--grow up to be kind and smart and not like the cliquey Westport parents. She is, essentially, the typical American housewife. Unfortunately, that comes with some roadblocks.

I'll be the first one to admit that this show is hilarious. Katy Mixon kills it, and as does Diedrich Bader as her husband Greg and Ali Wong and Catly Hughes as Katie's friends Doris and Angela. It's a great show, and it's already been picked up for more episodes. I've been loving the zingers (Angela's line "I know horrible women. I married one, I cheated with one, and I think I am one," comes to mind immediately) but the latest episode left me feeling iffy, to say the least.

Katie is constantly trying to get Taylor and Oliver to open up to her more (a problem she doesn't have with Anna-Kat, who loves oversharing) but is finding it increasingly difficult the older they get. She also believes that they're spending way too much time on their phones, and not enough time actually talking. So, she decides to install an app on her phone (with Doris' help) that gets their texts sent to her phone. After a day or so, Katie starts asking her kids about specific events they mentioned in their texts, and they realize what's going on. Understandably, they're angry, but Katie keeps prying for answers.

"You're stalking our children like they're wild animals," Greg tells her, but she doesn't let up.

I kept expecting there to be a moment where Katie realized that she couldn't force her kids to open up, that the only real way to ensure her kids talk to her is by just being open with them and waiting for them to do the same, that reading every single text they get is an intrusion of privacy--but it never comes. It's shown as a good move in a roundabout way, as she realizes that Taylor isn't getting any texts and, when she asks her what's wrong, Taylor admits that her friends aren't speaking to her. Later, when Taylor says she spoke to a friend on the one to solve the problem, Katie asks if Taylor could record her future phone conversations for her to listen to later.

Before I get people jumping on the comment section to tell me that I'm not a parent, I don't know what it's like raising kids, in your day your parents knew everything--let me start with this. No, I am not a parent, but I've had parents for a whole twenty years. I've been a moody teenager. I know just from my own personal experience that if my parents had read through all of my texts, read my diary, or listened in on my phone conversations, it would have ruined my relationship with them. I wouldn't be able to trust them.

Generally, I'm pretty open with my parents. Are there details I leave out of my college stories? Yeah, a few. Did I do some questionable things in high school that I'd like to never talk about again? Yep, and I wish I could bleach them out of my brain for various embarrassing reasons. My point is, if my parents had gone through my texts and seen what I was telling my best friend, I would have been angry and embarrassed. What's the point of asking how my day went if you're just going to read my emails and listen to my phone conversations? Why should I tell you how I'm feeling if you're just going to read my diary? Thankfully, my parents didn't do those things, and somehow I still survived into adulthood.

There are (http://www.familycircle.com/teen/parenting/discipline/is-it-ok-to-snoop-on-your-kids/) actual (http://oureverydaylife.com/reasons-parents-shouldnt-read-childrens-text-messages-3480.html) studies done that say you shouldn't pry into your children's lives. Obviously, there are boundaries and rules that should be enforced, and the articles I've included do make note of that and offer compromises. If your child is, for example, getting into trouble frequently, then monitoring them closely is probably a good idea. Additionally, younger children might need to be watched more closely if they're using the Internet for the first time.

I'm not saying parents should never ever ever watch what their kids are doing. What I'm trying to say is that there need to be boundaries on both sides of the equation. Your child may be your child living under your roof, but they're also a human being just like you. They have thoughts and feelings and questions, and they need to learn (especially as they grow into their teens) how to create an identity that is separate from their parents and the people they live with, an identity that is completely their own. They can't do that with the threat of constantly being found out and judged.

I can say with absolute certainty that prying will only make them come up with more creative ways to hide things from you. The message you're sending to your children when you snoop through their texts, diaries, emails, etc., is that you don't trust them. You don't trust them to make decisions. You don't trust them to be independent. Prying like this only creates more tension and will likely lead to your child

An open line of communication is always the best way to go. If you want to check on what your kids are doing, become their friend on Facebook. Ask them specific questions ("How's that class you told me you really like/really don't like going?" rather than "How was your day?"). Accept that teens won't tell you everything. Sadly, it's a part of growing up. As a former teenager, I can say from personal experience that sometimes we just don't want to share with our parents. As a reformed teenager, I can say that's totally normal, and I'm sorry to my parents and all parents of teenagers, but teens need extra support when they're being extra moody. Support doesn't always mean you personally intervening or even talking about what's bothering them. I know from my experience that sometimes I just needed my mom to hug me and say "You know I'm always here for you, right?"

Think of it like seeing a therapist. Everything is confidential, unless the client (or in this case, the child) is in danger, breaking the law, or someone else is in danger or breaking the law. Everything else is up to the child to share. They way you ensure that your child will share important things with you is to remain open and nonjudgmental. Sometimes if they're sharing a problem, they just want to vent, not get advice; if they have a friend who's going through a problem, they probably won't want to get specific, so don't force it.

I know the need to snoop comes from a place of concern--I genuinely believe that--but I, and all other teens, and former teens want you to know that there are better ways to express your concern. Being a teenager sucks for teenagers too. We need our parents to make it easier, not harder.

So maybe next season, Katie can learn to take it down a notch, huh, ABC?