What is something that humans deal with, but that nobody wants? There are a lot of answers to this question, the biggest, however, is Death. Now, the death of a loved one is a very serious subject. In fact, it is one that a majority of the world works to avoid. The thoughts and feelings following such a death often register as the worst feelings that one can feel.
My personal point of extreme anguish came with the death of my mother. In 7th grade, my mom had a heart attack and didn't make it. Especially at that age, I was devastated. In fact, it broke me for a very long time. A lot of problems that I wouldn't know were attributed to her death for a long time. Plenty of everyday goings on would cause me immense sorrow and stress. It was a moment that I thought I would never get over. Something I would hide from for the rest of my life.
People who knew/know my parents have told me that I look at lot like my dad and my personality feels a lot like my mother. My aunt Sheri, whom I am close with, has told me many times how much my aura feels like my mom. Even stranger, my favorite color, my love for horror, my fear of heights and water, and my incredibly complex and crippling depression are all something I share with my mother. It became apparent after many conversations with others who knew and loved my mom how much of her was truly part of me.
Recently, I was told: "When you are around, it feels like your Mom never even left." Which spurred a hurricane of thoughts, that ended in an eye-opening conclusion. I love my mother and her death hurt me but the more I learned about her the more I understood that her very presence made many people happy. The thought of her smile, her laugh, her hug were cherished by a plethora of humans. I finally realize that the thing which made my mother who she was, is still here within me. Through me, everything that my mom was is being shared with the world even though she is gone. What she stood for and the happiness she brought doesn't go away. Her, She, Christina, isn't gone.
Now, when people hear my mother passed away, they immediately say sorry and often want to change the topic. This, however, is not how death should be handled. I love to talk about my mother. I want to share her experiences, her stories and give people a piece of her. The second I try to completely hide from her existence is the day she truly dies. A mentor of mine gave me an amazing phrase "Did you know you die twice? Once when you lose your body and again the last time your name is spoken." I thoroughly believe this to be true.
So if you have a loved one that has passed on, that made you happy, that taught you lessons and helped you grow, speak of them! Spread what made them amazing to the world. Despite the pain of the loss, remember them for the great influences they were. Then continue to pass on their love and their life. For then, the dead never truly die.
