Anxiety is a word that lots of people toss around when the feel nervous about things they have going on in their lives. Maybe they have a presentation for a class, they have an important business meeting they can’t screw up, or maybe they’re head over heels for someone and they don’t know how to deal with it. Sure all of those situations can be nerve-racking with the right accompanying circumstances, but is anyone of them alone terrifying enough to induce a full on anxiety attack? Maybe for certain people, but not for the grand majority. And for those of you who aren’t like we anxious few, take a walk in our shoes. Here’s what it actually feels like to be an anxiety ridden human walking through life.
On a day to day basis, my anxiety is at about a 3. Not too bad, could be better, but it could be far worse. It’s manageable, more or less. It’s almost as if there is a little creature just sitting on my head.
He’s a little heavy, but I can still see where I’m going and get around just fine. If someone says something that worries me or makes me rethink a decision I’ve made, he might get a little heavier, but he usually shrinks back down in an hour or so, depending on what was said. But here’s where it gets tricky. That one little something that someone said will start his growing process. Sure it’s only a little bit, but it only takes that little bit to get the ball rolling. So I go through the day thinking constantly about that one little phrase and suddenly, I’m caught in a storm my own mind has created. One thing leads to another, and the next thing I know, I’m worrying about everything and anything I have going on, whether it's something I have to do or just something I’m stressing about.
Now the creature is getting bigger and doesn’t seem to be slowing down. At this point, I’m just trying to get through the day, get home, and get to my happy place where the anxiety can’t bother me. This is where the stress-induced part comes in. On any other given day, I would just go home and read a book or spend some time working on art, and I’d be ok. However, because I’m stressed out on top of this, I’m already on edge, and for me, this is the point when it feels like there are storm clouds swirling in my head. My mind feels fuzzy, I start to get headaches, and my limbs go numb. Some people think that this is the part where the anxiety attack happens, but this is just the beginning. Like an aura that comes before a seizure or migraine, this is just the warning. Then the stress starts to seep in and takes control.
I start thinking about all the things I have to do, test to study for, what will happen if I don’t do well on them, the homework I have to turn in, the papers I have to write, and everything else on top of that. The family friend that was just diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, the group of friends that are fighting and causing drama trapping me in the middle, and to top it all off, I’m away from home. Now, the attack starts, and it’s practically blinding.
My head is pounding and numb all at once, my whole body shakes, my heart races, and I start to hyperventilate. Breathing becomes more and more strained, and it feels like a think fog is covering my head. I can barely see straight, and it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. By this point, I am usually in my room curled up on the floor, just praying for it to pass. If I’m not at home, I try to find a quiet place so I can concentrate on breathing properly. I’ve found that one of the quickest ways to stop an anxiety attack is just to distract myself as quickly as possible. Music, TV, and sometimes other people help the most. I’ll focus all of my energy on listening to whatever I’ve turned on or whoever is trying to get me to calm down. If I don’t have any distractions, then I just have to wait it out. Without distractions, I start to cry hysterically and I can’t hold any of it back. It could be as short as 5 minutes or last up to an hour. By that point, I am so emotionally and physically drained, I don’t have the energy to stay awake. Sometimes, all I can do is wait for sleep to pull me under, so that once the attack is passed, I can start to recover.
Recovery is more or less the same each time. My breathing and heart slow, my head starts to clear, and the tears stop. I pick myself up, clear my head, and find something soothing to do. Sometimes it’s art or music, sometimes I just need a good nap. Sleep deprivation plays a huge role in stress, as well as life in general. I calm myself down and go about the rest of my day. The anxiety subsides, but it doesn’t leave. But it has started to shrink. And here’s the thing about stress-induced anxiety, it gets exponentially smaller once the thing stressing me out is over and done with.
If it was a test, once I’ve taken it, a massive weight is lifted. The creature gets significantly lighter, and even starts to slip away. He is never truly gone, but it’s easier to go about daily life without worrying about every little detail. Anxiety is something I will deal with forever, but as long as I can manage me stress level, I can avoid attacks. Sometimes things happen that I can control and they just send me over the edge, but with the help of several self-care methods and anti-stress activities, it is much easier to avoid attacks. Anyone who deals with stress-induced anxiety will tell you the same thing, while it is a constant annoyance and struggle, it is possible to live a happy life with it. Your creature never leaves you, but it can become easier and easier to deal with. You just have to figure out what works for you, and what calms you when you feel an attack starting.
