Life is filled with all kinds of ironies. I like to think that my life is particularly ironic in all aspects of it. For example, I have some insane fascination with cats and wish I could collect them by the thousands, yet I am extremely allergic to them.
It is not that I intentionally do things that completely contradict themselves but it just happens to work out that way for me. Somehow the cosmos have destined me to lead a life of eternal juxtapositions that both confuse and challenge me. A swirl of confusion never hurt anyone every now and then right?
How I would describe my ability to freeze up at any given moment because pure panic fills my entire body at the thought of public speaking is simply numbing shy syndrome. It perpetuates my entire being and makes me sound like the most incoherent human being. Words seem to form in my mind but they don't necessarily come out of my mouth as any relative to the English language. My leg begins to twitch all on its own, my hands shake and my eyes focus in on the ceiling or the ground.
All of that engulfs me in a ball of terror and makes me want to run away as fast as I possibly can. Yes, another successful notch on my many accomplishments.
Ironically, I happen to be a mass communication major who loves what she is studying. I do. Despite having to interact to people on the breeze and really learning to put myself out there, I love what I'm studying.
All kidding aside, I am here to assure you out there who think that being an introvert is not something you can navigate when it comes to being a mass communications major, I can assure you it is manageable. Take it from me. I have run a cold sweat at the thought of having to make cold calls for internships or being face to face with professors after class.
It honestly boils down to determination and throwing yourself and trusting yourself that you will land upright and with the least amount of damage. It really sounds worse than it seems. People are not really judging you as harsh as you are probably judging yourself, and it will take some time to fully trust yourself and your instincts. I have. It has been hard work but I slowly began to stop thinking about one particular interaction for weeks on end thinking on how I could have said things or acted and letting it consuming me. Relax. Breathe and just take the plunge. There is no real preparation and in the end, it will all work out.
I wish I could anoint some an official ceremony that will get rid of all your social anxieties and fears but I can't. No one can but yourself. I have learned to trust myself little by little and hope for the best. I even go to extremes and think that the world will not end. (Yet no one mention that your academic life could. Just kidding.)
I leave you with one piece of advice: gird yourself, put on a smile and stride with as much confidence as possible even if you are slowly melting away inside. Trust your worth.
