Okay well, first of all, deployments suck.

This will be my third time going through a deployment so I am basically a pro.

But there is a cycle of what is going on in a milspouse head.

Anticipation of departure

Now we start to prepare for your departure which means clothes are all around the room, sea bags, duffel bags everywhere and trips to Target to buy all necessities. I cry A LOT. I'll cry in my sleep and he'll hold me tighter saying, "baby it's going to be okay, ill be home before you know it" I want to believe I want to think the best outcomes but my mind and anxiety won't let me. I focus on what is happening in the world right now and his job and where he will end up and I just can't seem to stay positive. The depression starts to kick in, anxiety is high and you honestly don't think you can handle it.

Departure and first few weeks after

When your spouse first leaves you just feel empty inside. You miss every little detail about them. How they snore, the way he yells at the TV or when he kisses your forehead just because. You don't get to take any time off so you have to face the world even when all you want to do is watch the saddest greys anatomy episodes and cry. You feel like no one understands, you miss your family because most likely you're stationed nowhere near them. but then you get an email. It's not long but it is perfect because you finally get to hear from the person you miss the most. Two emails a day and 2 phone calls a month. That's all the communication I get.

Recovery and stabilization

Now that he is gone, it is time to get yourself back on schedule. work, gym, read, sleep. Having a schedule allows me to be constantly busy leaving less time to cry. You start to cope with the deployment, understand, and realize you are strong and will get through this. It is okay to miss your spouse that feeling never goes away until they return but for now you will focus on the bright side. This is the part where if you are starting to feel overwhelmed or lonely it is okay to ask for help.

Anticipation of return

So you got the date!! now keep it quiet and make sure you aren't telling people or posting it anywhere! Create a countdown and one thing I did was make a note of that day so when my husband got back he had all those notes to read. Anything to make the time go faster. Start getting things ready, cleaning preparing for your spouse to come home. This is usually the part where I do all the things I should have done at the beginning of the deployment - oh well. Make your sign if you're into all that. My husband makes fun of me for making them. This also the point I start to get nervous about seeing my husband again.

Return adjustment and stabilization

They are back. After months of being away, they are finally in your arms. Whenever my husband comes home I take a few days off and we go on a little trip just to get familiar again. This can be difficult because you have gotten so used to doing things on your own or in your own way and now you are back to sharing - so you both have to find your "new normal" routine.

regardless of what stage you are in, deployments are not easy and they can really challenge a person. Just remember you are a human with real emotions and its okay to show them.

May the force be with you