I May Not Seem Like Myself, But That's Because It's Hard To Keep Smiling Through The Pain

I May Not Seem Like Myself, But That's Because It's Hard To Keep Smiling Through The Pain

No one is as perfect as they seem. You lose yourself in situations and find yourself in others.

Things have happened to me that made me question why this is my life. I have been through things that have changed my outlook on everything. A person is not always as strong as they make themselves look. And while I know situations can lead me to not acting like myself, I know that it will all be okay.

I have been in situations that have mentally and physically drained me to where I do not want to fight anymore. I have encountered people who changed me for the worst and some for the better. I have also realized that some situations are better to be left alone.

Not everyone is who you think they are or even who you want them to be at the end of the day. But one thing I have noticed is that even though I cannot change a person, I can change myself.

That may be doing things differently than what I have done in the past. Going on crazy adventures that are planned in a days notice. Getting tattoos because it helps me relieve my stress. Dancing and singing in my room because no one can see me. Going out with friends when I would rather stay in. And overall, stepping outside of my comfort zone.

But another thing I have realized is that I can only put on a strong front for so long until I break. No one is perfect even when they try so hard to make it seem like they are. Everyone has their breaking points.

One smile can hide so many demons. A laugh can cover up the fact that you are dying inside. Posting pictures on social media can hide that you are sitting in your room because you do not have the energy to deal with the world today. Making plans but then having anxiety about if they will actually go through. Being with people sounds good because it helps you feel like you are not alone when you think you are.

There are days where I have to force myself to get out of bed because I know if I had the choice, I would lay there all day. I get ready in the morning because it helps me feel that I am put together. I keep myself busy so I can avoid overthinking situations. Being scared to ask for help because I do not know how a person will respond.

I bottle up my emotions because I would rather deal with them myself, than put that burden on someone else. I like to deal with things one day at a time because the future scares me. I try to take on situations on my own until there is no way possible that I can anymore. I do not trust people easily because so many people have hurt me in the past.

I deal with whatever is thrown my way at my own pace and the best way I know how to... and while I know this can lead to me not being myself, one day everything will be okay.

Cover Image Credit: EveryPixel

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65 Truths College Students Need to Hear Right Now

Truth every college student needs to hear.

1. The best memories are ones you actually can remember.

2. God isn’t going to ask you if you were in a top-tier sorority or fraternity at the gates.

3. You failed a test, not your life.

4. Numbers don’t define you.

5. That includes the number you see that is your grade.

6. Also, how much you weigh.

7. As well as if you are a “7/10” on a so-called “hot scale.”

8. Or if you can bench press 200 lbs. (@ all the guys at the gym, please chill.)

SEE ALSO: 7 Reminders Every College Student Needs To Hear Before The Semester Ends

9. Innocence is nothing to be ashamed of.

10. Neither are mistakes.

11. But learn from your mistakes. Mistakes can be lessons, which can be the biggest blessing.

12. Your metabolism isn’t what it used to be and that is okay.

13. You may not always understand what God is doing, but I promise He has a plan.

14. Every person you meet is battling their own struggles.

15. Life isn’t always great moments.

16. But you have to walk through the forest to get to the mountain top.

17. Your heart isn’t damaged. It is temporarily broken but it will be fixed.

18. However, the only one who can fix a broken heart is the one who created it.

19. So a cute boy or hot girl can’t put the pieces back together.

20. Neither can ice cream.

21. But ice cream can totally help.

22. Stop texting your ex. He/She is your ex for a reason.

23. Loving Jesus means loving people.

24. Loving Jesus also means loving the image of Him in the mirror you see.

25. Stop hiding your emotions. Stop crying in the bathroom or behind a locked door. You have people in your life who care about you.

26. Suicide is never the answer.

27. Breathe in, breathe out.

28. Do you feel your heart pump? Do you feel the air exiting your body? That is a sign you are here for a purpose. Your life is no mistake.

29. Just because you doubt, doesn’t mean you don’t believe in Jesus.

30. However, when walking on the water scares you, look to Jesus and keep your eyes on Him.

31. If you have the opportunity to go to school go. There are young girls around the world who would do anything to sit at the desk you are complaining about.

32. Don’t pick a career based on money.

33. However, I promise you can use any passion or gift to serve a purpose bigger than yourself if you allow yourself to give it to the One who gave it to you.

34. You don’t need pretty prayers to please God.

35. Talk to Him like you are talking to a friend.

36. Look for the good in everyone.

37. That includes the mean girl who no one likes. Chances are she is mean for a reason. Someone was once mean to her. Kill her with kindness.

38. Pray to have the Lord’s eyes. See people with love.

39. Try to have the Lord’s hands, always be reaching out to others.

40. Each morning, pray to have the Lord’s feet and go where He calls you.

41. It is a bad day, not a bad life.

SEE ALSO: What It's Like To Be A College Student In April

42. You don’t need a six-pack to find a man who loves you.

43. You need a spouse who will be able to look at you when you are 80, and wrinkly and maybe a little chunky, and you need him to love you then. If he loves you for your body and your hair, I promise he doesn’t actually love you. Looks fade, but love is eternal. Find someone who loves you like Jesus.

44. Do some squats.

45. But squat so you feel good about yourself, not to attract the opposite sex.

46. You are never too old to find a new hobby.

47. You were beautiful before someone told you.

48. If you don’t know if you are in relationship or not, leave. You deserve clarity, not insecurity.

49. You deserve friendships that are mutual.

50. The best Friday nights are spent with a puppy and food. It is okay to not always be social.

51. Stop worrying about whether your crush will text you back.

52. Stop over analyzing everything in general.

53. Pray for your future spouse.

54. However, also pray for your future bridesmaids/groomsmen. Some of the most influential people you may have in your life you may not have even met yet.

55. Storms bring strength.

56. And storms bring rainbows if you are patient and observant.

57. Stop Pinteresting your dream life and start living it.

58. The Bible is actually extremely relatable. Open it up. Read it.

59. Romans 8:28 “and we know God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” God is on your team. He wants you to have moments of celebration. He has a purpose for you greater than your bad day.

60. Never forget what Jesus did for you on that cross. When he died for you, it was painful and brutal. It was ugly. It was love. Don’t let that truth ever become numb to you no matter how many times you have heard the story.

61. There is nothing wrong with carbs.

62. Study. And don’t wait for the night before.

63. Find someone who you can look up to.

64. Also, never forget that there is always someone looking up to you. Act like someone you would want your future children to be. Act in a way that reflects wisdom.

65. Smile more, you are loved by the one who hung the stars and painted the sea. He created puppies and carbs–yet still loves you more. That is something to celebrate.

College is tough and life is hard. You are going to have moments where all you want to do is celebrate life with your best friends, but you will also have moments where you just want to lock the door, ignore everyone, and have a good cry. Never forget that your worth comes from something greater than your Biology grade, and from Someone greater that the one who broke your heart.

You aren’t too cool for Christ in college. Christ is a necessity for you in your life. He can hold your hand during your heartbreaks and failures and celebrate with you when you get the text back or a passing grade in foreign language. He loves for you and cares for you more than your sorority or fraternity ever will.

So buy your books, do your homework, but never forget when you are walking to you 8:00 a.m. you regretfully signed up for, to look up. Look at the clouds and the sky and thank your creator that in a big big world with many beautiful things, He still loves our messy hearts even more. So this one is for the boys for the King. This life is for the One who laid down His life.

I promise college is more fun when you dance with your Savior. Follow His lead and let him take you on a journey where you can find your purpose. You may not know where you are going, but you do know who you are following.

So never forget that although classes may be hard, and your metabolism may be slowing down–God is still good. He turns our ashes into beauty and our trials into our testimony. Do life with your creator and I promise you that you will have more than you need.

Romans 8:28 “And we know God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

Check out my website for more articles on self-worth <3

Twitter: gracev96

Instagram: lemmebeyourvalentine

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Anxiety Is The Grinch That Stole Christmas

It's not your typical holiday story.


" 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse..."

That is how the famous holiday story is told but the tale is not the same for us all. For people who struggle with anxiety or depression, the holidays may evoke a less joyful feeling. If you're like me and you absolutely dread the holidays, the poem might feel something like this: " 'Twas the month before Christmas, when all through my mind, anxiety was stirring making holiday joy hard to find."

The holiday season brings excitement and happiness for most. It's a time when people surround themselves with their loved ones and revel in the pleasure of exchanging gifts and family meals. The exact moments that evoke bliss for many may evoke uneasiness in others. I, personally have never been quite a fan of the holiday season. I love seeing my family together and happy, but I can never escape the anxiety that prevents me from sharing that same delight. The same goes for many others who deal with mental illness.

The thought of spending an entire day surrounded by family, music, gifts, and food sounds like a recipe for a panic attack in my eyes. It is incredibly easy to become overwhelmed by all of the festivities and not be able to fully enjoy them like everyone else. That constant engagement in social interaction causes me and many others to plan our escape to the nearest empty room as soon as we can. The stress of having to catch up with family members and answer one billion questions about school, work, and your love life is exhausting for some. Thanksgiving and Christmas present an incredible amount of pressure to plaster a smile across your face; what's ironic about that is the fact that these holidays might force you to engage in events that do the exact opposite. If there is family drama like turmoil between relatives or being the black sheep of the group, the holidays induce the same nervousness a test might; it begins to be more of a chore, something you're nervous about and can't wait to get over with.

Not only are the initial celebrations anxiety provoking, but the time of year, in general, is incredibly difficult for people struggling with depression. When you're struggling with such sadness, it can feel impossible to get into the holiday spirit. As we grow older, the dynamic of these amusements can drastically change. Not everyone can be with their loved ones during the holidays and not everyone gets along with the loved ones they are with. Those complex situations make Christmas and Thanksgiving a lot less enjoyable. Another aspect to consider is that for those who have lost someone, grief has the incredible power to subdue any kind of Christmas cheer. The holidays are no fun when they're spent missing the ones you love, whether it be relatives, friends that have become family or loved ones that have passed away.

Now it's not all "bah-humbug" and stockings full of coal. Mental illness does make the holiday season hard to enjoy, but it's not impossible. With the right coping mechanisms, it is possible to find a way to overcome the dread of Christmas and Thanksgiving by finding the things that you DO enjoy. Don't be afraid to take the moment and step away from the crowd to relax or express to your family members that you're feeling overwhelmed. On the other hand, if it is your family members inducing such feelings, make the extra effort to surround yourself with other loved ones that can comfort you. Lastly, if you're experiencing grief, it is okay to do just that: grieve. There are no rules that say you can't be sad or anxious during this time of year. Take care of yourself first and celebrate in any way you emotionally can.

In conclusion, the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. Maybe Christmas doesn't have to look like the commercials or shows on TV. Maybe I can celebrate it in ways that are just right for me.

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