Traumatic experiences change us. Whether it be drastically or subtle, they do. Sometimes it's the development of depression, changes in our health, mentally and physically, or something else.
For me it was anxiety.
A little over 2 years ago, my mom was diagnosed with ALS. ALS stands for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis - it is a neurodegenerative disease and it is fatal. When the diagnosis came, I spent so much of my time crying that it came to a point where I wasn't sure that I had any tears left. And during the period of time between her diagnosis and her death, I became a rock. I didn't cry over little things, I didn't cry over anything that, in my mind, did not amount to the same grief that came along with the heavy news that had now consumed my life.
I stopped talking to many people that I had previously trusted with my feelings for the soul reason that I knew they didn't understand, and then came a point where I didn't like to talk about it at all because I was tired of people feeling sorry for me or just because I knew they didn't get it. I held everything in and I hid behind a mask that was stronger than anything, but then completely broke down in the shadow of my own self behind closed doors.
Only a few months ago my mom left this earth, and to this day I find myself sometimes in a panic of impending doom. My body starts to shrink, my heart starts to race, and I temporarily feel as though I am going to die. I have panic attacks. I worry about every little detail surrounding a situation because I never want to wonder "what went wrong" because so many things have gone so, so wrong up to this point in my life. Never do I want another person to experience some of the things that I have because in my opinion, that's not how life should be. But sometimes, life doesn't care.
It will try to knock you down as many times as it possibly can until you are completely broken into a million tiny pieces. But something that I have learned, and continue to struggle through, is that you just have to get back up again. I know that's so much easier said than done, but you just have to. Otherwise, you're going to be left in the dust and not know where to go once you do get back on your feet.
I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but it's important to realize that through every traumatic event, as long as you are living, life will go on, and you simply have to take it one day at a time. I say this because one day you will be okay. One day you will find yourself making it through an entire day without thinking about it. One day you will find yourself celebrating the life you've lived, not dreading the aftermath. One day, you will get through this, I promise you that. The light may not be bright right now, it may not even be visible yet. But, just keep pushing through because we were made to thrive. And thrive we will.
Always remember: God gives his greatest battles to His strongest soldiers.
Never stop fighting for your happiness, because 'that pain you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming' (Romans 8:18).
