There is really nothing that I love more than using an app that geographically pinpoints members of the opposite sex. Swiping left and right is like a game, and let me tell you, I am really good at it. Obviously, I might get some criticism for constituting dating as a game, but lets face it, in this day and age, the only way to get ahead in most aspects of (mostly) adult life is to play - and not necessarily by the rules.
Overall, I’ve actually had a lot of fun with Tinder, but sometimes, things get serious. There are a few matches I come across every once in a while that I actually give my phone number to. I know that it sounds like I’m lying – why would she give her number to a guy unless she wants a hook up? – but in all seriousness, sometimes I come across people I may not ever meet in person, but they're people who I genuinely enjoy talking to, and I want to continue the conversation elsewhere. If there is one thing that Tinder does do well on, it is the establishment of personal connection. Sure, you could have some pretty shallow conversations with some extremely shallow human beings, but there are in fact people in this world that can carry on an interesting conversation and, wait for it, even ask you questions in return! GASP.
Then there are those who I give my number to for that obvious reason I had previously attempted to diverge from: I think you’re good-looking, you have a good personality, and we have stuff in common, so let's meet up. Indeed, I have gone on several Tinder dates, or have casually hung out with a few matches. Unfortunately, some of these matches end up being less than thrilling.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is without further ado that I introduce The Chauvinist. For our purposes, we will call this particular Tinder date Eric. This kid is seriously gorgeous, and he knows it. Before our first date, we talked extensively, and even more interesting, he asked that we FaceTime before meeting one another in person. At first I was a little freaked out by his request. But then I realized that he was asking this for two pretty obvious reasons. First, he wanted to make sure that I was a real person, and second, he wanted things to be less awkward. I thought that this move was really bold on his part, and I admired the fact that he took the initiative to show interest and pursue me like that.
After FaceTiming on several occasions and a few weeks of back and forth texting, we finally made plans to see one another. I was seriously excited; I found the Tinder pot of gold, people! On our first date, we went to a burger restaurant, and he was a total gentleman. Somewhat nervously awkward, but overall, an interesting person and someone who I thought had potential. We ended up talking for several hours after the date, and even made out with a summer sunset in the backdrop. It was seriously picture perfect. Red meat, hot guy, great kiss, great night. Fast-forward to our second date, when we decided to hang out in a more personal setting – his house – and do the old “Netflix and chill” routine. However, no chilling took place, because at some point in the conversation, things went way south.
I cannot exactly remember how this topic was brought up, but eventually we began discussing our high school friends. I proceeded to tell him that my guy friends from high school were really great kids and that I still have good relationships with today, even several years removed from graduating. Interestingly enough, he decided to inform me that he does not have any close girlfriends, and actually does not see girls as friends at all. I was somewhat taken aback.
Shocked and confused, I asked, “So, you don’t want to be my friend is what you’re saying?” to which he replied “No, not really, honestly." I stared at him patiently, waiting for him to take back his previous statement, but got nothing. Very calmly, I interrupted. “I just have to let you know right now, and I do not mean to say this with any judgment towards you as a person, but you have to understand that by telling me that you are uninterested in friendship with me or any other woman for that matter is completely chauvinistic and dehumanizing.” This kid pretty much shit his pants at that point.
Yes, I understand that Tinder is primarily used for hook ups, but are you f**king kidding me? How are you expecting to get closer to me by telling me that you have absolutely zero intentions of being my friend? How does that make me want to spend time with you or take things to the next level? The answer: it doesn’t. Eric then went on to affirm what I had said. He actually said, and I quote, “Yeah, I guess I’m a chauvinist." I lost my shit. We talked for a while longer after he made those remarks, attempting to reason a way out of his misspoken moment.
During the entire conversation, I was screaming on the inside, but outside, I was extremely calm and patient with this kid. I really felt bad for him, in a way; I wanted to teach him, to show him that he can, in fact, have girls as friends and that I can be his friend. I told him that yes, hooking up is a big part of Tinder and life in general with male-female relationships, but that sexual component doesn't necessarily negate any factors of friendship or mutual respect for the other person. In fact, friendship and mutual respect are the foundations for a good time. Why would I want to go on another date with a person who doesn't believe in the fundamental component of all relationships? Well, the answer is really simple, actually. Because I felt sorry for him. I actually continued the conversation past that point for several more hours because I wanted to show him another way of thinking. I know, I'm so heroic in all of my efforts trying to guide this f**kboy down the right path. But lets face it, if I didn't stand up to him, would the next girl ever do the same? I'm not really sure, because in all honesty, women my age are sometimes more afraid of the guy losing interest because she speaks her mind rather than because they're incompatible.
At the end of the day, I don’t truly believe Eric had any ill intentions, and I don’t truly think he is a chauvinist. What I do believe, however, is that his remarks were said in part due to his overall nervousness, and, more importantly, because he – along with a lot of other 20-year-olds – are so far removed from traditional values regarding courtship that they cannot fathom the idea of offending the other person, even if that person is just some random from Tinder. He passed all of the initial tests: paying for my meal on the first date, opening the door for me, showing genuine interest in our conversation, acknowledging a certain awkwardness about his post-work appearance (he was wearing dress socks with his Roshe's), and the fact that I accidentally flashed him a boob because part of my shirt came unbuttoned. But during the second round, something went wrong. Something inside his head did a 180, and he exposed a part of his personality and thinking that was an immediate red flag. Yes, this situation sounds way worse on paper, but rest assured that it was equally as horrifying in real life. I had to continuously remind myself, as I drove away from his house, that we’re all human. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and in the end, a few more dates.
I 100 percent stand by my decision to do so, not because I wanted to fix him any further or prove a point, but because I tried to look past his shitty remarks and go back to thinking of him in the same way that I did during our first date: genuine, a little nervous, and respectful. Yeah, you could say I was feeding into every feminists' nightmare by conceding to a few more dates with this person. Yeah, I understand girl power is all-important in this day and age, but let's face it: if you're on Tinder, you're not interested in proving a point in the name of gender equality, you're down for a good time and maybe a burger, if you're in to that sort of thing.
Looking back on the experience, I finally saw justification in everything that I had heard throughout my entire life; that the difficulty of meeting people in this day and age is real and sometimes downright depressing. I never thought I’d affirm what so many other people around had been saying, that being single in the 21st century is like running through fire. But here I am, people, read it and weep; chauvinists are real and dating can be downright abysmal. Luckily for Eric, he redeemed himself and we did go on those extra dates. Sorry to all the Lena Dunhams out there, the kid was too just gorgeous to pass up.
