The 21st century is crazy. 13-year-olds are buying more expensive makeup than most adults do, Donald Trump is running for president, and almost all kids, universally, know what it means to “Netflix and chill?” Now most of these changes are framed in a negative light, but there are a lot of good things the 21st century has brought upon us as well. For example, our cellphones are not the size or weight of bricks anymore, Taylor Swift, and people are standing up against social injustices. However, with all this change, where does that leave dating?
Growing up in a Christian home in the early 2000’s I was taught that guys were supposed to pursue the girl, they were supposed to ask her father before they could go anywhere/do anything, and couples should date to marry. Yet now, there is a huge difference between “they’re dating” and “they’re talking”. . . What? Why is it so, so hard to settle down and date someone? Why is it easier to text them than have a real life conversation? Why is it so much easier to be “hanging out” than dating?
We live in a social media obsessed era. We #MCM or #WCW our way to “sliding into their DMs” so that we can “Netflix and chill.” I mean, honestly, it is a bit unnerving that that language makes sense to us. Why is the following sequence so outdated: he likes her, he got her number, go on a date, and they are now dating? Instead, we read into everything and overanalyze like it is our job.
We become jealous of photos that our significant others likes on Instagram that are not us. We basically become hyper vigilant cyber stalkers just to feel some sort of security in our relationship. In addition, more often than not, these relationships we think we have are left open-ended; the talking versus dating thing. What are the parameters of “talking?” Does that mean an exclusive relationship (which is what relationships were meant to be) or does that mean an open, date-as-many-people-as-you-like type relationship? Each relationship is different and unless you have the somewhat uncomfortable talk about boundaries there will never be any clarity.
An analogy to illustrate this generation's relational habits is like bees to flowers. We hop from one meaningless relationship to another, posting and deleting pics of every ex-lover, on and off our Instagram feeds. It is second nature to look to a person's Facebook to confirm or deny our suspicion that they broke up with their significant other. We comb through people’s twitter profiles to try and pinpoint who their subtweet was about; don’t kid yourself, we all do it.
On the other hand, there is a stage in life that people want to be crazy, noncommittal, and live with “no strings attached”, and that is okay. It is okay to know what you want and seek after that, but if what you want is a committed relationship, do not settle for an ill defined flirtationship because if it is a relationship you crave, you will only get frustration.
