In a Tinder-centric, fast-paced world, it can get hard to weed out genuine partners from the “Netflix and chill” types. The pressure to fulfill “Bae Goals” (bagels?) can add to the mounting stress of work, school, and other obligations.

So why not treat yourself?

Going on a date solo is, to most people my age, a pretty radical idea. Some people wouldn’t be caught dead being in public alone. But it’s actually awesome! Sometime about two years ago, between working full-time and subjecting myself to academic overload, I noticed I was constantly feeling stressed out: making lattes 40 hours a week and spending late nights studying exhausted me. Since I love to pile as much as I can onto my plate at once, I was also dating a guy at the time that could not wrap his head around why I took my education and income so seriously (ahem, red flag) and things crumbled pretty quickly.

It was then that I realized I had to put my happiness and myself first. There were so many things I wanted to do, places I wanted to visit, food I wanted to try and concerts I wanted to go to. Was I really going to let not having some dude to stand next to me stop me from fulfilling all of that?

My conscience kicked in with a “Hell nope!” I wanted to text friends to go out, but sometimes I just felt like not talking after long shifts of dealing with customers and coworkers, or I simply lacked the energy to coordinate my brutal schedule with everyone else’s. I realized that I truly needed to recharge, so I started off slow and went to my favorite café downtown and had a pastry and latte by myself. I felt pretty dorky and only ate half my slice of cheesecake, but at least it was a tiny step in the right direction.

I have since very gradually but surely moved on to restaurants, museums, the occasional concert and my personal favorite, vintage clothing and antique stores. I find that avoiding my phone while out and about by myself helps my brain focus on what's right in front of me and happening around me, instead of fluttering about mindlessly on social media. I can think of the best new ideas, finish a great book and even figure out how I’m going to solve whatever issues are going on in my life.

Solo dates have also taught me the value of two huge life lessons: what others think of you doesn't mean a thing, and living in the present moment is immeasurable in its value. Besides the all-encompassing importance of self-love, another lesson I learned about going solo dolo is, quite frankly, how sad it is that our millennial generation finds it so peculiar and unordinary. I’ve been met with plenty of side-eyes and question marks when I tell my friends I enjoyed something alone. While it’s secretly comforting to hear “You should have called me, I would have been soooo down!” having little moments carved out for clarity and slight solitude are itty bitty treasures to me.

Above all else, I value that I just turned 21, I graduate college in spring and I have the rest of my life to swipe right on my soulmate. Why not enjoy my peace and space in the meantime?