About a year ago was when I felt the most fragile, and stripped of who I am. Last summer was when I was living in a toxic environment, and felt the most unhealthy. I was not getting the help that I needed. Going to counseling was not cutting it for me, and medication was the very last thing I wanted to turn to. At the time, I had a few sick family members, and my sister was getting ready to go to college. While my parents helped me move out of my old apartment, I was on my own in regards to finding a kind of therapy that would work best for me.
I have a few friends at school who are dancers, and I always loved watching them dance on stage, and in the common room of our old dorm. They looked so at peace, and it felt like every single person in the room falls in love with the aesthetic. I took a modern dance class as a freshman to fill a requirement, and really liked it.
One day I was sitting in my old bedroom surrounded with boxes, I pulled open the college portal to sign myself up for some dance classes. I signed up for modern, because I knew I enjoyed that. And then I noticed that ballet would fit in my schedule, and I kept telling myself I was going to take it one semester after taking modern. I decided I was going to finally do it, and I could always drop it if I don't care for it. I drove out to Concord a few days later to pick up my ballet slippers. While the girl at the store was fitting me into a pair of slippers, I was completely unaware of how much those slippers were about to mean to me.
My modern dance class continued to be a good release for me, and work out. I started going to the gym every day, so I would have more energy in class, and to spend more time focusing on aesthetic. However, I was very surprised to see how much my ballet class has helped me through my rough patch. Both of my dance teachers were fantastic, but my ballet teacher was truly someone I needed. While he was gentle and kind, he really taught me to come out of my shell. With each class, I found that I live less and less in fear. The more confident I became, the more I fell in love with the aesthetic of ballet.
Towards the end of the semester, I decided to tell my ballet teacher why I joined the class in the first place, and what it has done for me. At that point I felt that the class was a safe zone, and I was able to confide in my teacher about my trauma. I can easily say our relationship has strengthened that day. But the one thing he said that has stuck with me ever since was, "We need dance in our lives." I realized that dance was my form of self care whether it was modern or ballet. Just getting out there and dancing is when I feel most at peace.
Growing up I have never truly commited to any sports or activities, but I can easily say it is different this time with dance. I probably would not have made it through my junior year of college without dance. I do not know what I would have done without it. It does not matter how much experience you have, I truly believe anybody who is going through a sensitive time in their life to try some form of self-expression such as dance. You won't regret it.
