Dad Jokes Aren't Always Bad Jokes
Start writing a post

Dad Jokes Aren't Always Bad Jokes

(That statement is patently false.)

Dad Jokes Aren't Always Bad Jokes

As anyone who has gone through a midterm (or finals, or pretty much any) week with me knows, I really, really love bad jokes. As soon as I hear a new one, I have to send it to all my friends. Most of them have even started sending them to me as soon as they hear a new one, just because they know I'll love them. So, now, I'm deciding to share my joke bounty with the world! (Just bear with me here.)

1) Who calls the balls and strikes at the annual Vatican softball game?

The Holy Roman Umpire.

2) Why did the grammar teacher die?

He got over hyphenated and slipped into a comma.

3) Why did the man broom tell the woman broom that they couldn't have a little whisk?

Because they hadn't swept together yet.

4) What did the cannibal get after arriving late to the luncheon?

The cold shoulder.

5) Why does Ireland have such a population problem?

Because it's always Dublin!

6) What do you call the Samsung security guards?

The Guardians.... of the Galaxy.

7) Have you heard about that new movie, Constipation?


Oh, that's probably because it hasn't come out yet!

8) Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?

Because she kept running away from the ball.

9) What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!

10) I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor said to me?

"Stay out of those places."

11) Did you hear about the sidewalk?


It's all over town!

12) What do you call a broken can opener?

A can't opener.

13) Why are there fences around the graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!

14) How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He sipped his coffee before it was cool.

15) A magician walked down the street.

Then he turned into a grocery store.

16) What do you call a computer that sings?

A Dell.

17) What do you call a fortune teller who dresses well?

A suit-sayer.

18) Have I told you about my CSI joke?

It's a real killer.

And, finally, my two favorites:

19) What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, while the other is a busty crustacean!

14) What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

And there you have it! Thanks for not groaning too loudly while reading all these. And yes, I do regularly trade jokes with my dad. He finds (most of) them very funny.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Robert Bye on Unsplash

I live by New York City and I am so excited for all of the summer adventures.

Keep Reading... Show less

The invention of photography

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.


The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments