When we are young, we are taught many things that we 'should' do.

Be friends with everyone. Don't fight back, walk away. Be the bigger person.

While many of these still hold true through primary schooling and adulthood, I have learned that there are situations where there is no 'right thing' to do and I no longer 'have to' or 'should' do something.

That may sound confusing but I am explaining what I have learned about the context of friends. Very simply, we choose who we want to be friends with. Due to similar likes, dislikes, convenience or just the ease we feel around others, we choose who we surround ourselves with..for the most part.

What I have learned is that the choice of who we want to be friends with is exactly that: a choice. We decide who makes us happy, who is fun to be around and who generates a more positive life for us.

Now this isn't the hard part to grasp. The hard part for many to understand is that when things go down hill between friends and it is draining and exhausting and has created a negative energy in your life, you can choose to not have that person in your life anymore. It may sound cold and unapologetic, but I have learned (the hard way I must admit) that some people are just not worth the effort, the sadness and the negativity.

This does not mean that there are ill-feelings or vengeful thoughts. All that it means is that as a human being, you have made the consciuous decision to not include this person in your life anymore. And you shouldn't feel guilty for that if it is truly what you need. I hear so many stories, mostly from women saying that they feel they 'have to' be friends with someone or they feel a 'responsibility' to that person.These are tough feelings to shake off, but when their impact on your life is negative, it is time to be selfish and make decisions based on your own well-being.

These people may not even know the impact they are having in your life and therefore they should not be blamed either. It does not need to be cruel or aggressive. It does not mean 100% isolation from this person. It means create an energy of people around you that not only increases your own happiness and success, but is a mutual beneficial relationship.

What I have also learned is that there are dozens of people that I will fight for. When things go wrong between myself and a friend, I will put forth the effort and the time to mend the friendship. But for the sake of my own health and spirit, I have learned to draw the line. That is what I wish that people my age begin to learn.

Have the strength to fight for those you want in your life and have the strength to cut ties with those that do not enrich your life. It is a hard pill to swallow but it will only bring further happiness and understanding.

xo