Dear Patient,

I'm writing to hopefully bring to light some aspects of my career you may not understand. This is not to belittle you or minimize your illness and suffering; that isn't my goal. My goal is to give you some perspective and take away ignorance as your excuse for being a bully. Pain? Fine. Sadness? Fine. Overwhelmed? Fine. But total entitlement fueled by ignorance will no longer be tolerated. So here I go.

Today when I walked into your room, with your medicine and IV fluids, you barked at me, "Well that took f*cking long enough! Why don't you do something useful and get me a soda, doll." Before I break down why you were completely inappropriate and disgusting let me enlighten you on a few facts. First, I "took so f*cking long" because there is a patient down the hall actively having a heart attack; chest pain, sweating, pale, fear in his eyes. I was assessing him, calling doctors, medicating him, performing an EKG and sending a nursing assistant to respond to your call light (which we did acknowledge you and inform you that it would be a few minutes). I was drawing blood-work, entering emergent orders and in the back of mind, ever-present, was the confused, elderly woman in room 9 - who needs her cardiac monitor adjusted, her bed linens changed and her blood pressure checked. I'm sending aides to do what they can and other nurses to help - but we are all busy and we all have patients with many needs. So here's the important message: nurses prioritize. It's our job, it's what we are trained to do. Needs have priority levels and I'm so sorry to inform you that you are NOT the only person in the world. Despite what society, and the healthcare business specifically, tells you - you do not exist alone. You are not the only patient with needs.

This may sound harsh - I know. But I'm a nurse, I LOVE helping people, I really really do. There are so many times in my day that I am able to genuinely help people and I come to work for this reason. What your attitude is doing isn't helpful. Not to yourself, not to me, not to the other patients.

You are inappropriate. Would you swear at your doctor? Would you call you doctor "doll?" I am a human being. I deserve respect. I am sick and tired of being yelled at, sworn at, sexually harassed, and bullied. You are an adult; you are perfectly entitled to your own feelings and opinions. Be angry, be frustrated, be upset. What you are NOT entitled to is disrespecting and harassing me.

The problem today is that healthcare has become a "customer service" industry. "The customer is always right," and people-pleasing has become the keystones of patient care. Surveys and reimbursement from insurance companies actually score hospitals based on questions like, "hHw was your food during your stay?" (This is not the Four Seasons, in case you didn't know) In any other circumstance in life, if you spoke this way to me, I would stand up for myself. I would answer you back equally as crass and maybe even file charges. But because the "customer is always right," I am scripted to apologize for my tardiness, ask what I can do to further help you or if you would like to speak to my manager. I have always done this. I'm a model employee.

But I'm done being a model employee. I'm more concerned about respecting myself than pleasing you. I have a very large amount of empathy and understanding. I have a wealth of patience. I'm not unreasonable; you just got a bad diagnosis or are in pain, or lost a loved-one, or are awaiting scary test results and got a little snippy. I'm not talking about those people, in those circumstances - I understand sick people are not on their best behavior 24/7. You - with your entitlement, constant rudeness, and demeaning sexist attitude - are who I am done with. So the next time you call me "babe" or raise your voice, I am going to call you out and leave your room. I am going to first politely ask you to show me respect and if you choose not to I will leave and go to my supervisor. I won't stand there silent and uncomfortable, ready to wait on you hand-and-foot, trying to put out a fire.

Let it burn. It's not going to consume me; i'm stepping out of its path. Spew your hate at someone else. I am many things; a kick-ass RN, an independent woman, a wife and mother, a daughter and friend, a human living as peacefully as I can in this world. What I am not is someone who is going to calmly, "smile and nod" any longer. If I continue to do so I am part of the problem.

Sincerely,

A fed-up RN