February 14th 2015 was the very day I realized I was “too fat.” Not quite the voluptuous kind I believe, or the chubby kind, but the capital F A T kind. In any case, it didn’t matter. I was tagged “a twig” for years, any change in my label felt like a good change. But it was only a matter of time until I was wishing upon every star to go back in time where I wasn’t put on weight watchers or offered half a loaf to go with the insipid bowl of salad.
As it turned out, my body was no longer my private asset. It was a property of my family, my friends, the media and the society. They had every right. They could say whatever, comment whenever. Two months in as a “fat” woman, I had my first real world experience. It was a Sunday evening. I was walking down the streets of Manhattan in my favorite pair of shorts. I heard someone screaming from behind, “You fat ass, get off the street.” As I turned, I saw a man, possibly in his mid-30s. Took me a while before I figured he was aiming at me, my body to be precise. I looked to my sides, over my shoulder and to the front. Nobody came forward, nobody said a word, much like it was expected. I didn’t know how to respond. I was mortified.
It seemed as though my body sent out open invitations to everyone. Constant cruel remarks killed every ounce of my self-esteem. I was miserable all the time. But I wasn’t going to give up. I stood firm on my ground. I fought through it all and here I am today, back on stage, proliferating confidence in all directions.
With that said, I would like to share a few things I did to bring my life back together.
First, stop! Stop feeling guilty for having a bigger body, stop feeling ashamed for being yourself. Stop tormenting yourself. Understand, this modern society has crashed and we are victims of collateral damage. Take control of your life. Stop letting others dictate how to live your life. You need to stop blaming yourself and forgive the society for wanting to thrive at your expense. Feel bad for them. Be the bigger person and walk away!
Now secondly, moving onto the anxious God's creatures. I have a few messages for you. A few things to say on behalf of those thousand others who are fighting this battle on their own, every day, in the hopes that one day they will conquer.
This one’s for the people of the society, the mainstream media, the friends and the family.
You need to back off.
You need to stop telling me I am fat and take a breather. I know you don’t care, in fact as soon as those trifling words leave your mouth, your solemn concern for my welfare makes a run. I know how calling someone fat gives you a sense of power but it’s one thing to want to feel better about yourself and another to seek happiness at the expense of other people. Look, we all have insecurities, I have mine, and I know you do too. Don’t make me wish some of mine upon you.
Mainstream media, you suck.
You have, time and again, failed to serve your purpose in the society. If you can’t think besides sabotaging the global vision of beauty, keep shut and leave your job. Your constant portrayal of the ideal body image isn’t helping our situation any better.
Stop telling me I am not fat, I am beautiful.
You guys are supposed to be my friends? Stop indicating fat and beauty are mutually exclusive. Stop complaining about your weight. You cry over being a size 8? Well, guess what? I am 22.
I wish you knew how badly you have demolished my self-esteem.
I wish you knew how terrible you have made me feel for not fitting into the standard body frame. While you were going at me for having a bigger body, I was hurting, I was losing every desire to have the perfect body. I wish it was more about my health and less about how embarrassed you were to be seen with me. I wanted to kill myself one time. Family isn't supposed to do this to each other.
On the whole, being fat is just fat. The word is not to describe how ugly you are, it is not a term of abuse, it is not a curse, it is not a disability. Bodies can be of various shapes and sizes and beauty is beyond all measurements. A person can grow over weight at any point of time. It is beyond one’s control. Just let them be. Mind your own business. Imagine, if every person looked the same with their perfect little body, would you be here picking apart their confidence? NO. You would much rather be wishing for someone to look slightly less perfect so you could go back to feeling superior. Thus, I think it’s about time you took a moment to express your heartfelt gratitude to my cellulite and feel glad, none of them ever wished any of their shortcomings upon you.
