After hours of preparation, cleaning, table setting, and cooking, the food was finally set and ready. All the men began to gather around the table that was covered with a variety of several different authentic homemade Asian dishes. As prayers were said, all the women and children gathered around to listen and watch as the men feasted away the food that took hours to make, in seconds. I looked up at my grandma and asked, "Grandma, why are only the boys eating?" and she replied in Hmong saying, "Little girl, they are men, so they eat first."

As a child, I didn't quite understand this. I never thought to question it or think further into it. All I knew was that at gatherings like this, men ate first and woman ate second and that was that.

And after all these years I finally realized the gender inequality between a Hmong man and a Hmong woman. All throughout my childhood till this day my grandma and mom would always say "Chasity, come and watch what we're doing so you know how to do it when you're older." I specifically remember all the times we would go to the farm and pick out a dozen or so chickens and bring them back home to butcher. I would sit outside for hours helping my grandma and mom pluck the feathers off the chickens until they were as clean as a whistle. And of course, at such a young age I didn't see it as a chore, I was just excited that I could help. But if you were to ask me now to sit down for several hours gutting and plucking chickens, I can confidently tell you that I would not be jumping for joy, that's for sure.

The expectation of a Hmong woman goes beyond just plucking chickens. We are raised to be the perfect housewife, expected to constantly clean, cook, and take care of our families. You might be sitting there scratching your head wondering why I'm talking about the inequality between a Hmong man and woman because these are things that everyone does regardless if you're Hmong or not, right? Well in the Hmong culture men are raised with the expectation that all these things will be done for them because all their life they saw their mother do it for them and their father. They are being raised thinking that a man's job only involves making decisions for his family and taking care of the heavy-duty work. While women are mainly valued and judged based on their ability to do work around the house.

As I grew up, it finally all made sense to me

This was the reason why men got to eat before all the women at big gatherings. This is the reason why my grandma and mom always told me to watch what they were doing so I would know how to do it when I was older. This is the reason my mom always wanted me to help cook dinner and clean around the house. This was the reason I sat outside for hours butchering chickens. Every little thing I was taught wasn't just for me, but for the man I decide to marry in the future. But I don't see it like that, everything that I have learned has always been for myself.

I realized I can still embrace my culture without having to conform to traditions that I do not agree with.

And despite the flaws and high expectations that come along with being a Hmong woman, I am incredibly grateful. I can genuinely say that I have learned so much from my culture that has shaped me into the person I am today by the knowledge and skills that I have gained. I am honored to be a part of such a strong, persevering, devoted group of people. And I believe an experience is truly only an experience, if you reflect on it. And I have taken what I have learned and acknowledged certain traditions that I want to pursue with and the traditions that I believe should be changed. It's time to break old traditions that have created gender inequality and stand beside the next generation of Hmong people that will lead us to equality in the Hmong culture while keeping all the other beautiful traditions alive.

I am proud to be Hmong.