'Well, Crying Is Stupid'

'Well, Crying Is Stupid'

It's OK to let it out every now and then.

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"Hey I'm going to Cookout if anyone wants to come"

"I would but Natalie is asleep and I'm still packing. Could you get me a cajun wrap?"

"Oh. OK. Yeah."

"Are you doing OK, Maddog?"

"No, not really. I'll get your food."

That was the exchange I had around 12:30 am with my roommate's boyfriend who was visiting for the summer. I was having an anxiety attack because I was penting up all these thoughts and emotions and it was finally taking over. When I got back, he listened to me cry for an hour in the kitchen over $2.87 nuggets and a cajun wrap.

It was late. And he had to leave at the crack of dawn to go home. I told him he could go to bed and that this was all stupid but he responded with, "No. I've never seen you cry before. I want to help."

To which I replied with, "Well, crying is stupid."

Then he hits me with, "There's nothing wrong with crying, Maddy."

And he's right. I've said that to multiple people in the past but for whatever reason, in my head, it's OK for other people to cry in front of others but it's not OK for me to cry in front of others. Maybe that's because I hold myself to a high standard and crying in public just doesn't fly with my agenda. Or it could be that I always find myself listening to my friend's tears and I don't want to burden them with my own problems on top of their own. Whatever it is, that doesn't mean I haven't cried in public in the past. It just means that I will literally try to hide my true feelings in order to seem like I'm always fine even when sometimes, I'm not fine.

I know I'm not the only one who has trouble being emotional in front of other people but I just need to accept that it's OK and normal to express your feelings. As I always say (but never listen to because I'm the worst when it comes to taking my own advice), "bottling up your emotions is not healthy and it's OK to let it out to your friends." So, basically, I'm right but I just don't like listening to my own advice even though I should.

After crying and talking, I definitely felt better. Sure, it didn't solve the problems but I felt reassured that someone cared enough to sit through my ugly tears and blubbering. If I learned anything from this exchange, your friends will care about you and listen to you even when you think that they won't want to be bothered. Additionally, I learned that once you let it out, you will feel a bit relieved which definitely helps with calming down the stress and anxiety.

So go ahead. Let it out.

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Why You Actually Don't Want To Be Prescribed Adderall

ADD isn't all that it's cracked up to be.
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As I'm writing this, I can feel my concentration slipping. Noises have become enticing, I feel distanced from my phone, and every time someone walks by me in the library, I turn around seeing if it's someone I know. My extended-release Adderall is starting to wear off and my brain is starting to relax back to its natural state. My ADD is climbing out from underneath the blanket of focus I had for 10 hours today.

ADD is not all that it's cracked up to be. Sure, we get prescribed the precious Adderall so many people want, but at what cost? Let me put this in context for you. You know when you're at the library and there's a one really, really loud girl talking on the phone? You know the one. The girl that, for some reason, thinks it's OK to have a full-fledged conversation with her mom about her boyfriend in the middle of the quiet section. The girl that's talking so loud that it's all you can think about, occupying all of your focus. Well, that's what every single person in the room is like when you have ADD.

Distractions that are easy to ignore to someone without ADD are intensified and, instead of focusing on the task at hand, I'm listening to the girl three seats down from me eat her barbecue kettle chips. When you have ADD, it's not just schoolwork you can't focus on. You can't focus on anything. I tried to watch a foreign film one time without my medicine, and I forgot to pay attention to the subtitles. I realized about halfway through the movie that I had no idea what was going on.

What almost everyone that asks me for my Adderall doesn't understand is that I take Adderall to focus how you would normally. When you take my Adderall you feel like you can solve the world's problems. You can bang out an entire project in one night. You can cram for an entire exam fueled by this surge of motivation that seems super-hero-like.

You take my Adderall and ask me, “Is this how you feel all the time?" And, unfortunately, my answer is no. I'll never feel like a limitless mastermind. When I take Adderall, I become a normal human being. I can finish a normal amount of work, in a normal amount of time.

My brain works in two modes: on Adderall, and off Adderall. On Adderall, I'm attentive, motivated and energetic. Off Adderall, I can barely get up the motivation and focus to clean my room or send an email. And it's frustrating. I'm frustrated with my lack of drive. I'm frustrated that this is how my brain operates. Scattered, spastic and very, very unorganized. There's nothing desirable about not being able to finish a sentence because you lost thought mid-way through.

The worst thing that you can say to anyone with ADD is, “I think I should start taking Adderall." Having ADD isn't a free pass to get super-pills, having ADD means you have a disability. I take Adderall because I have a disability, and it wasn't a choice I had a say in. I was tested for ADD my freshman year of college.

My parents were skeptical because they didn't know exactly what ADD was. To them, the kids with ADD were the bad kids in school that caused a scene and were constantly sent out of class. Not an above average student in her first year at a university. I went to a counselor and, after I was diagnosed with ADD, told me with a straight mouth, “Marissa this is something you're going to have to take for the rest of your life."

When the late-night assignments and cramming for the tests are over, and we're all out in the real world, I'm still going to be taking Adderall. When I'm raising a family and have to take the right kid to the right place for soccer practice, I'm still going be taking Adderall. And when I'm trying to remember the numbers they just said for bingo at my nursing home, I'm still going to be taking Adderall.

So you tell me you're jealous that I get prescribed Adderall? Don't be. I'm jealous that you can drink a cup a coffee and motivate yourself once you lose focus. I'm jealous that the success of your day doesn't depend on whether or not you took a pill that morning. The idea of waking up and performing a full day without my medicine is foreign to me.

My brain works in two modes, and I don't know which one is the right one. I don't know which mode is the one the big man upstairs wants me to operate in. So before you say you want to be prescribed to Adderall, ask yourself if you need and want to operate in two different modes.

Ask yourself if you want to rely on medicine to make your entire life work. If I had a choice, I would choose coffee like the rest of the world.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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Body Positivity Is The Best Positivity There Is

There's nothing more beautiful than the skin you're in.

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Body positivity is the best positivity there is, and loving yourself is healthy and as equally important. I strongly encourage women to be confident with who they are, and what they look like. Every woman should support other women around them as well, as we all need encouragement and reassurance of our beauty.

When I was in middle school, there was nothing more I wanted, than to feel confident in myself. It's not that I wasn't confident with how my body looked, but I frequently wanted things to look "better" or "prettier" in my eyes. I really had to take a step back as I entered high school by taking a look in the mirror, and appreciating how beautiful I really am. There are women who tend to be critical of themselves on a daily basis, and I've been there. But there's so much growth that can happen from this kind of thinking, rather than accepting and taking in the negativity and lies.

I believe that perfectionism in a person can negatively alter how one thinks about themselves. Take it from me. During my years in middle school especially, I would strive for perfection — but the kind that appeared to be unhealthy. I would feel the need to do my makeup or hair a certain way and at times it would take almost two hours, or even choosing between what seemed like 20 different outfits each morning before school because I didn't feel like I looked mature enough, although I was only in seventh or eighth grade.

At the time, I just wanted to look older because of how other girls around me were dressing. To tell you the truth, that didn't do anything good for me. I felt my self-worth go down the drain and I felt like I would never grow out of what I was internally dealing with. This was typically due to how introverted I was by keeping my thoughts to myself, and not letting many people in, in general.

We are currently in the year 2019. A year that has evolved girls into thinking if they don't look a certain way, they "aren't attractive or even noticeable." With this being said, it is crucial that women become critical viewers of social media platforms as well, as it can honestly raise some red flags.

Don't look at pictures on social media and think to yourself, "I want to look like that. I SHOULD look like that. Why can't I be as pretty as her? What is wrong with me? etc." Thinking like this will most definitely take you down an unhealthy, wrong, and destructive path. Most of the girls on Instagram who frequently post, honestly make themselves look entirely fake, and on our end, it shouldn't be believed that that is what they "really" look like.

Instead, force yourself to say a compliment out loud. I recommend that you do this, because eventually, a positive mindset, will become your natural thoughts. From experience, this strategy has turned my thinking completely around. Along with this, don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is unique in all sorts of ways. You are original, and no one can ever be an exact replica of you. Your individuality stands out in such a wonderful way because the truth is, what's even more beautiful than the skin you're in? Sculpted to perfection.

I believe that body positivity is so important because each woman deserves to feel beautiful and special every morning that they wake up and get ready for the day. As you are putting on your makeup, picking out an outfit, or putting on those heels that you might seem hesitant about; you have nothing to lose. Embrace your elegance and the beauty that has been given to you. Show it off. Walk out of the house with your head held high with the utmost confidence. Be strong and unbreakable.

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