Just The Tips: Crush Too Much

Just The Tips: Crush Too Much

College experts Angie and Cass share what to do when you fall fast for someone, and how to handle it if your crush doesn't work out.

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Welcome back to Just the Tips with Angie and Cass, a weekly relationship advice column run by two college experts! This week, we talk about crushes, broken hearts, and lying partners.

1. I fall in love with every one that’s nice and gives me attention. How can I stop being so dumb?

Angie: I definitely feel you—I've had lots of crushes on friends and even friendly acquaintances! Sometimes, all it takes is getting to know someone better for me to realize that we'd make a bad pair, so you could try that (and worst case scenario—you make a new friend!) Otherwise, time heals all. Sit on your crush for a couple weeks and see if you still feel enamored. If you do, maybe pursuing something with that person isn't a bad idea! Just remember there has to be more work put into a successful and lasting relationship than attention and being friendly (although that's a good place to start.)

Cass: Goodness, I wish I could help you with this one but honestly sometimes I feel the same way. For me, I had to get to a point where I assume that they're just being friendly towards me and nothing more, however, this tends to backfire when someone actually is interested because you get to the point you're kinda oblivious to anyone not directly telling you that they like you.

2. How can I repair a broken heart from a relationship that I was never in?

A: Give yourself a little distance! If it's a friend or a crush you see often, then avoid them for a few days (giving them a heads up you need a little time isn't a bad idea, particularly if you two are close) to give yourself time to process how you're feeling about the whole thing. Talking through what you're going through with a close friend or someone else you trust will help you work through this as well. Also, distractions are always helpful for me: plan a fun night with some of your other friends, try going on a date with someone else, or treat yourself to an activity or present that you usually wouldn't to help get your mind off things.

C: As Angie said, distance, distance, distance! Remove them from your intimate circle and try to allow yourself time to heal. It's important to take care of yourself when it comes to these things. You might think it's dumb to be so heartbroken about someone you were never with, but the heart wants what the heart wants, so it makes sense to feel some pain over what could have been. Also, this might not be the best advice for everyone, but my personal opinion is the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. So have a little fun! But make sure you're okay in the end.

3. What do you do in a relationship where you think your partner has lied to you?

A: First, try to get all the facts you can. If someone is accusing your S.O. of something, evaluate their credibility: do they have something against you, your partner, or your relationship? If you're convinced your partner is lying, then you have a couple options: either confront them directly or try to get information from other sources. But be careful: spreading rumors even further could hurt your partner's feelings and lead them to the conclusion that you're acting behind their back!

C: Get the facts and call them out. Also, don't gossip to your friends about it because if it gets back to your partner that you suspect them of lying then either they haven't and it'll hurt them a lot that you don't trust them or they have lied and now they have time to think of a cover-up. If you think your partner is lying, just straight up tell them. It's better that you're an open party in this so that your partner can't also accuse you of lying. In the conversation, you'll be able to get a feel for if they're lying, plus, liars tend to expose themselves if they talk about it too much because they start switching up the story. Go with your gut and talk it out with your partner; keyword, TALK. Don't argue, be calm and collected when approaching your partner, and you got this.

Have a story about a crush you have to get off your chest? Lost on how to take the next step? We're here to help—follow this link to send us your questions!

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Why Girls Love The Dad Bod

If your man can rock the dad bod, he's a keeper.

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In case you haven't noticed lately, girls are all about that dad bod.

Girls have been dealing with body image issues since the beginning of time until recent (for those of you who consider yourselves to be "Thick thin") I hadn't heard about this body type until my roommate mentioned it. She used to be crazy over guys she claimed had the dad bod.

After observing the guys she found attractive, I came to understand this body type well and was able to identify it. The dad bod is a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. The dad bod says, "I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time." It's not an overweight guy, but it isn't one with washboard abs, either.

The dad bod is a new trend and fraternity boys everywhere seem to be rejoicing. Turns out skipping the gym for a few brews last Thursday after class turned out to be in their favor. While we all love a sculpted guy, there is just something about the dad bod that makes boys seem more human, natural, and attractive. Here are a few reasons that girls are crazy about the dad bod.

It doesn't intimidate us.
Few things are worse than taking a picture in a bathing suit, one being taking a picture in a bathing suit with a guy who is crazy fit. We don't want a guy that makes us feel insecure about our body. We are insecure enough as it is. We don't need a perfectly sculpted guy standing next to us to make us feel worse.

SEE ALSO: Slim Thick Is The New Thin

We like being the pretty one.
We love people saying "they look cute together." But we still like being the center of attention. We want to look skinny and the bigger the guy, the smaller we feel and the better we look next to you in a picture.

Better cuddling.
No one wants to cuddle with a rock. Or Edward Cullen. The end.

Good eats.
The dad bod says he doesn't meal prep every Sunday night so if you want to go to Taco Tuesday or $4 pitcher Wednesday, he'd be totally down. He's not scared of a cheat meal because he eats just about anything and everything.

You know what you're getting.
Girls tend to picture their future together with their guys early on. Therefore, if he already has the dad bod going on, we can get used to it before we date him, marry him, have three kids. We know what we are getting into when he's got the same exact body type at the age of 22 that he's going to have at 45.


So there you go. A simple break down of why girls everywhere are going nuts over this body type on males. We like it. We love it. We want some more of it. So here's to you dad bods, keep it up. Men, confidently strut that gut on the beach because while you stare at us in our bikinis we will be staring just as hard.

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It's Time To Challenge 'You Complete Me' Culture

Your partner should be your companion, not your completion!

pmterch
pmterch
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After having some time to reflect after "The Bachelor" finale, I think this is the perfect time to put this article out there. In this article, I want to offer you a different perspective on how to view relationships. I want to challenge you to defy cultural assumptions of what romance is and shine a light on how codependency can squash your happiness.

The puzzle analogy

In wedding vows or proclamations of love, we often hear the phrase, "You complete me." We compare finding our person to finding the missing piece of the puzzle in our lives. Once we place that puzzle piece in the empty hole, we can finally see the beautiful and complete picture. Without that piece, we would be in a frenzy, searching all around under the kitchen table and on everyone's chairs to see if we find it. We desperately hope the dog, or the baby, hasn't eaten it. We hold out hope.

This comparison, as I have found, has created quite an issue in our modern day society. We are so obsessed with finding that missing piece in our lives to complete us that we often search in the wrong places or live in unending frustration. Sometimes we find a perfectly wonderful person, but they seem to lack everything on our checklists of what we have deemed as the perfect missing piece, so we let them go. If you are one of the lucky ones who has found a person who fills the void in your life, you often try to shove them into the puzzle as hard as you can and force them to fit. You need to be filled; you need to have the beauty of the final picture — without it, how could you ever be completely happy?

Where did I go wrong?

I was riding along in the car with my boyfriend when I realized we had hit a rough patch. We are a long distance couple — going to separate colleges four hours away from each other — but we only live two minutes away from each other when we are back at home.

I had never had a boyfriend before my second semester of senior year. I had always been very independent. I moved a lot, which meant anytime I got close to dating someone, POOF, there I went. But, this time I had finally stayed and found an amazing guy — my best friend.

When I was single, I was the queen of relationship advice (as we all are when we are not blinded by rose-colored romance). Finally being in a relationship made me realize how easy it was to fall into habits that I had always scorned others for. I began letting this relationship affect me in ways I never even suspected it could.

Don't get me wrong, this was not his doing at all. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy I know. He is always lifting me up and supporting me to reach my dreams. While we both struggle with anxiety and depression, we have found a way to always put our individual mental health first. My boyfriend had dated people before me, but I had not. This altered expectations of what this relationship was supposed to look like for each of us. He knew what mistakes to try to stay away from, while I was still trying to figure it out.

How to reframe your perspective in relationships

Regardless of my background, I think I have stumbled on the most amazing way of reframing perspective in relationships. Once I started changing the lens on how I looked at our relationship, we started bickering less and I became so much happier.

Here it is: your significant other is your COMPANION, not your COMPLETION.

Of course, you should feel happy and enjoy when your partner is around. They should treat you with care and make you laugh, but they should not be the person filling the empty piece of your heart — that isn't their responsibility. They should not be the ultimate source of happiness that makes you feel emotionally whole. This perspective is extremely unhealthy because people are fickle and we make mistakes. We screw up . . . all the time. Our culture loves to use the phrase, "You complete me." It sounds extremely romantic. However, it can be so problematic.

Now, when I spend time or communicate with my boyfriend, I see it as a lucky bonus we get after we both have spent time improving ourselves that day. When I text him, I don't expect him to reply to me immediately — even though I still wish he would because of the need for instant gratification, let's be real. I know that he is going after his dreams by working as hard as he can to make a life for himself. As a girlfriend, not only should I commend him for that, but I should also give him the space to do that. Likewise, I should go after my dreams and work as hard as I can to achieve them.

Your partner should be the fun blanket you have on top of your comforter. You would be just as warm without the blanket and still get a good nights sleep, but the blanket is still really fuzzy and gives you extra joy and you can wrap it around you while you are watching tv. And, if it is a really cold and stormy night, perhaps you snuggle up with your blanket and hold it tightly for a little extra warmth and comfort.

I am a believer in God, and I believe his holy spirit makes me whole. Regardless of if you share this belief or not, I think we can all agree that we are all supposed to walk through life together and lift each other up. If we expect to put our happiness and worth on the shoulders of one person, then that relationship is going to crumble. Why would you want the person you love most to crumble? I certainly don't. I want to be able to look my partner in the eyes and say, "I love you and I want to stand by you when you need me. When you don't, I will be okay because I am still whole and fulfilled".

pmterch
pmterch

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