It's not Halloween yet- but it is OCTOBER! And OCTOBER means it basically already is HALLOWEEN!
But seriously- I'm not sure about anyone else, but I'm already thinking about what I want to be as far as costumes go. I remember back in the day, getting that Halloween costume catalog in the mail and just devouring it- reading it cover to cover and begging my mom to buy me something expensive and not very worth the money. These days, I make all my costumes if I'm invited to a costume party, but I was feeling nostalgic (typical millennial that I am), and decided to look at the website of one of my old favorites- Party City. Lots of witches, mummies, and cartoon characters, as usual- but Is it just me, or are the costumes starting to get weirder?
Either we're running out of ideas, or the people who are being paid to make these costumes are getting really sick of their jobs. So, without further delay, here are the 10 most unnecessary costumes I found on the site- costumes that truly defy explanation. Costumes I hope you don't wear.
So people- if you want to wear these, go ahead. I can't stop you.
But please, think first. Think of the children.
(Author's note: I did not name these costumes. The names are those that the store actually gave them.)
1. Adult Wrigley's Big Red Gum Costume.
Description: Look red-hot in a sexy Wrigley's Big Red Gum Costume. The body-hugging dress is printed to look like a red package of cinnamon gum.
What is this? What is this, Wrigley's? Show of hands: How many people like red hot gum so much that they are actually willing to pay $32.99 to look like a giant pack of it? WHY IS A PACK OF GUM SEXY, WRIGLEY'S?
2. Adult Poop Icon Costume.
Description: Looking for a funny Halloween costume? Search no further than this Poop Icon Costume. The quality polyknit tunic is inspired by and shaped like everyone's favorite poop emoji and printed on the front with a happy face.
I'm hoping this costume is not even a blip on the map of your consciousness. I'm praying that this costume is something you've never even considered as something you might wear to a party. I'm hoping that your life never gets to the point where you pay $29.99 to dress up like this. Even the model looks like he's watching his dignity fly away from him over the distant horizon, or he's finally realizing what his life has become.
3. Adult Donkey Costume.
Description: In the morning you're making waffles in this Sherk (Haha what?) Donkey Costume.
While I will admit that whoever wrote this description was at least making a solid reference and probably had a little chuckle at their own joke when they typed it, I will not stand for this costume. (Plus, they spelled Shrek wrong, unless there actually is a movie called Sherk.) I don't care if you love Shrek, if you come to my party in this $74.99 donkey suit and attempt to eat chips and dip with your hands in giant hoove shaped hand covers, I will point you to the door.
4. Adult Turkey Costume.
Description: You're the star of the Thanksgiving menu in our Turkey Costume! In this Thanksgiving costume, you're sure to gobble a few laughs.
No, please. Please don't tell me you're considering this. Okay, look at it this way: imagine going to the store, paying $89.99 for this glittery turkey costume, and pulling it on before Halloween night. "I'm so excited!" You think to yourself. "Haha, everyone's going to have such a great laugh at this turkey costume! I'm a riot! This GIANT, UNWIELDY TURKEY COSTUME WILL BE SURE TO MAKE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY SMILE."
Then imagine walking through the door, expecting some kind of turkey-based smile-frenzy, and being ignored. People don't care that you look like a giant turkey. You're just going to stand there and feel sweaty and sad. It's not even November, guys.
5. Adult Mardi Grad Parade Jester Costume.
Description: Lead the Mardi Gras madness in this Mardi Gras Jester Costume for parades!
AAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Please, guys. Don't.
