For starters, I am in go no way trying to discourage you from falling in love. It is singlehandedly one of the most beautiful, mysterious, transformative, and overwhelming things I have ever done. But you know all of that already. You know how amazing it is to have someone that gives you butterflies and dream about the future with. These are the parts of a relationship everyone glorifies and makes you desire. These are the details that don't get skimped out on. The people in these "ideal" relationships could go on forever telling you about all the things they adore about their significant other. I can definitely be one of those people sometimes. But what they don't go on forever talking about are the costs. These are not the deal breakers or the pet peeves. These are the inevitable events and feelings that will most likely occur at some point in your relationship when you choose to love someone. As beautiful as it is to really love someone, it's only fair that you're aware of the costs that will come along with it.
1. You start to wait.
No longer can you have your whole heart in a place if you have not heard from them. Instead of brushing aside the fact you haven't heard from them all day like you would anyone else, (what's the big deal, right?), instead, you have to wait. Wait for them to text you back, wait to hear from them. Even if you know they're busy, you still find yourself checking your phone constantly for any sign of them trying to communicate with you. It feels desperate and I hate it. I hate feeling like I can't be fully content without them, but it happens...because you love them.
2. Any major life changes are no longer just a you-decision.
Sure, you're always free to make your own choices. But now, you're thinking about transferring colleges? Taking a semester to study abroad? Spending a summer on a mission trip? No longer can you just book a flight and go. Now there's someone else to think about. How would this change our relationship? Am I willing to take that risk? And you begin setting aside your own dreams for their sake... because you love them.
3. They have the potential to hurt you like no other.
It can be the way they unintentionally push aside your feelings sometimes. It can be how you want to keep talking and they tell you goodnight. It can be how they don't put you first. They may not be trying to hurt you, most of the time they aren't. But expect a kind of pain that jabs you in the heart when they do...because you love them.
4. You start feeling desperate.
When you first start dating, you're able to pull off stubborn little things like "I'm just not going to text him back today" or "fine, I'm just not going to act like I'm into them." They seem petty, but if they get you the right way, you know you'll try it. But then the deeper you get into the relationship, you feel like you lose that power. You feel like even a day without talking is lost time you'll never get back, and willingly be the first one to apologize, even if you aren't in the wrong..because you love them.
But, like I said, these are not reasons to stay single and harden your heart forever. The point is becoming vulnerable. The point is to love someone so much that you form this type of trust and dependency that you're crushed if they break. It does not mean you're weak. It does not mean you wouldn't be able to function without them...because you would and you can function without them The point is that you choose to love them in spite of the cost. You begin laying this part of your pride down in order to love them fully. You will see how beautiful, mysterious, transformative, and overwhelming it is all at once when you start to love someone despite the costs.
