A while back I read the book "Gone Girl," which I later followed up with by watching the movie. I watched it conveniently after a difficult breakup, which led to me having some revelation about the movie.
If you haven't seen the movie or read the book, I would highly recommend that you do so. But for those who haven't, it is about a woman who goes missing from her home and her husbands battle to not only find her but to also find out the truth as to what happened to her.
Then, it is revealed that she herself went into hiding and staged the whole thing to look like her husband murdered her, so she would frame him since he cheated on her.
She describes a monologue that her husband Nick never really loved her, but rather a girl that didn't exist that she was pretending to embody.
She was trying to be the cool girl.
She goes on to say that men always use that phrase to compliment a girl.
A cool girl, according to her, is a girl who is hot, dirty, drinks beer, and is above all, understanding.
A cool girl is never angry at their boyfriend, but rather just smiles and waits for them while they do things like choose to go have drinks with the guys, rather than go on group dates.
After hearing this beautifully done monologue about the cool girl, I realized that in my previous relationship, I had also tried to be the cool girl:
I tried to smile and nod my head when my boyfriend would choose to go out with his friends doing God knows what. I never let that smile down, unless I was in my room where I could stop playing that role.
God forbid I cared if my boyfriend chose to sleep all day on my birthday, rather than take me out. No! I had to keep the charade up because a cool girl never loses her temper on her man.
It wasn't until later when I, like the main character in the novel, got tired of playing the role of the cool girl and finally started to put my feeling ahead of my need to be the 'dream girlfriend'.
I started to voice how it made me feel when he did things like ditching me on plans for a night out with other girls. When I started to stand up for myself and respect my self is when the fights started. He didn't understand why I couldn't just stop caring about what he did.
That was when things started to crumble.
So, to all the other girls out there who feel the pressure to act like the perfect girlfriend by not caring if their man steps all over them, my message to them is to stop.
Stop trying to hide your feelings when he is hurting you. Stand up for your self and be the woman that you want to be proud to be! When you do this you will learn so much more about yourself and your relationship. If your man really is the one then he will understand why you are hurt by the things that he is doing.
Now I am not saying to yell at him and get on every little thing because that isn't ok.
But, if you recognize that you are being pushed to the side and find yourself having to grin and bear it, then stop for a second and realize just how much that you are worth.
You are worth so much more.