In the eighties there was a popular song, “Everybody wants to rule the world.” I’m not really big on world domination, but I do like the idea of at least being in charge of my own life. Making my own decisions, doing the stuff I want to do. That seems pretty simple and realistic, right? So, I have made choices; some good, some bad and in that manner I have ruled my little world, kind of. The thing is I want control and ease. I want to put effort in and reap rewards, maybe not instantly, but in a timely manner.
There was that dream of being a singer, but the fact that I was born fairly tone deaf, kind of meant I didn’t have much choice or control over the superstar singer facet of my life. So, that was kind of a disappointment. There was still the supermodel route, except for the fact that I’m only 5 feet tall, a little on the chunky side and not a classic beauty. So yeah, control was proving a bit more limited than I had at first expected and ease was not a part of the game. The path to success was going to take a bit more work for me than my genetically blessed human counterparts.
So, more choices led to college. There was a bit of work involved in that choice, but I am confident it was a good choice, despite the debt. Sitting as a part of the class of 2016 this May seemed like an exciting step toward the control that I so desire. I waited for my name to be called, craving the recognition that hearing my name and accolades would bring. The thing is, it happened pretty quickly, and most of the graduation attendants were fairly bored and waiting for their student’s name to be called.
Four years of hard work culminated in a pretty antithetical manner to my expectations. My dreams of an employer running up to me after the ceremony saying, “We only hire Summa Cum Laude, join our team!” were dashed as I got in my car and realized no one else in town was even aware of how well my four years had gone.
Okay, maybe I didn’t really expect anyone to offer me a job on graduation day, but in all honesty, I would like life to be a little easier than it is sometimes. But most of the time, it isn’t easy. It is a lot of work and disappointment. It can often be mundane. I need to remember this though, it is only that way if I allow it to be so. The truth is, I have very little control over some things; but I do control how hard I work, the attitude with which I pursue my work, and the grit and determination that I use to attain my dreams. There are times when I have to realize that something is not meant for me and let go of that, there are times when I have to fight for what I want. Learning to discern between those things is a huge part of the growing process. (I’m glad someone recorded me singing and played it back for me, it made letting that dream go, fairly easy!) Some things will not be so easy to give up, as William Faulkner said, sometimes I must be willing to “kill my darlings.” The big advantage to learning to do that as early as possible is that it leaves time to really focus on strengths and goals. Embracing whatever is ahead, I eagerly march on toward a world of possibility as well as a host of unknowns, knowing only that I have the power to choose how I respond to each event.
