A good friend once told me “It’s okay not to be okay.” Before you ask, no he is not a counselor, he is not even a psych major. He is just a friend who knew what to say when he realized I was going through some stuff. That moment was a lesson for me that I am continually learning from…

I will be the first to admit, I am a perfectionist. Perfectionism, after all, is what makes the greatest artists - or so they say. One of the things I struggle with most is admitting I'm not okay and that being "not okay" is, in reality, okay. I grew up in a Christian home where I was encouraged to authentic in life, yet I somehow missed this simple lesson. Life wasn't always easy, in fact, my life has had a lot of trials and while they built my faith, they built walls around my heart. When life got tough, I got tougher.

I have to constantly remind myself - it is okay not to be okay. It is okay to be a Christian and still feel hurt. Recognizing your brokenness is a way to grow closer to God - just because you believe in God doesn't mean you are perfect. For He did not come for the healthy, but the sick; not for the rich, but for the poor. The negative events in your life are not the proof of God’s hatred toward you - He waits with open arms to comfort, to love, to forgive.

It is all right to admit that life is hard. Relationships (whether they be with family, friends or significant others) are not always easy. People will let you down. Those closest to you are the ones most likely to hurt you. Your skin may not be black and blue, but your soul might be in pain. Bickering. Fights. Separation. Divorce. Loss. These all add to those metaphorical real soul bruises. It would be ludicrous to act like those pains do not exist.

Mental and emotional health struggles are real. Your anxiety is valid - it is not the result of your incapability of finding "zen" or calming down. Your depression is credible - it is not just the outcome of your choice to be lazy or angry at the world. Of course, some will talk. They will think they know what you are experiencing saying "I understand." Others will dismiss your pain completely claiming that you are just looking for attention.

But good friends will not judge you. They will sense when it is time to give their opinions and when it is time just to listen. Sometimes a friend’s ears are all you need and possibly all you can handle. No matter how well-intentioned people are, phrases like "It will all be better if you do this..." can be downright discouraging. A silent friend can be just what you need.

Accepting that you are not okay requires humility. When a friend asks “How are you?” It is so easy to put on a smiling face and reply with “Good. How are you?” Although it might feel good in the moment, it will slowly break you down inside. It takes humility to admit that you aren’t happy and perfect - that you screw up, that you need help.

Ultimately, admitting the fact that you are not okay can build better, more authentic relationships. No one wants to be lied to. Yes, it may be very difficult to say “I am not okay” but it is more than worth it. Not only will you feel free, but the relationships that are worth keeping will grow.