Fall weddings are still in full swing, and we’re making our way into “engagement season” now. It can seem like every other day, Facebook lets you know that Mike and Becca or Chris and Sarah got engaged. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t talked to Sarah in four years, or even liked any of her posts recently. If she got engaged, it’s the first thing you’ll see because of Facebook algorithms.
Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and more have completely changed modern dating and relationships. Hell, you can’t even use millennials’ favorite dating app, Tinder, if you don’t have a Facebook account.
A standard, new relationship among 20-somethings in 2016 might look something like this:
Swiped left, swiped left, swiped left… Oh, a cute one. Swiped right. You messaged a few times, exchanged numbers, texted a bit, then added each other on Snapchat the following week. You met up for drinks and all went well. You hung out some more, sent lots of snaps, and you wondered if you’re in his top friends, too. Finally, you added him on Instagram and looked back through about 48 weeks worth of photos. You went on a few more dates, met the family, and things got pretty serious. But, it’s never actually official until it’s “Facebook official.” So two months into things, you said you were “in a relationship” on Facebook.
When I got into a new relationship, I was a bit surprised at how many people asked, “is it Facebook official?” The answer: no, it’s not. And frankly, does it really matter that much? Maybe we’ll put it up there one day, but it’s not high on the list of priorities.
Don’t get me wrong. I love sharing pictures together from time to time. But, it seems that generally speaking, modern relationships are distracted by social media. Countless times, I’ve listened to friends vent about their boyfriends liking some other girl’s selfie or messaging someone behind their backs. It’s typical for a couple to sit on the same couch next to each other with their faces buried in their respective news feeds instead of engaging in conversation together. Ten years ago, we didn’t have these issues.
I’d like to challenge our generation to focus first on each other, and put social media second. Before you think about putting that picture-perfect sunset on Snapchat, embrace each other, kiss him on the cheek, and take it in together. I guarantee you’ll enjoy that feeling more than seeing how many other people view that on your story and likely dismissed it as just another photo.
Instead of worrying about “researching” that girl that tagged him in pictures months before you started dating, ask him instead about that scar on his knee. Listen to him talk about what has shaped him. I promise you’ll feel more connected after genuinely listening to him rather than doing your own due diligence.
When your relationship hits an inevitable rough patch, before you message that guy you met at the bar last year, talk to your boyfriend about what you’re thinking and feeling; tell him what you need.
I know we live in a time where we need instant gratification. But, can we just pledge to put love first and likes second?
