Conflict happens. That's one of the inevitable truths of life. As human beings, we're bound to have conflicting interests with people from time to time, and that can cause a whole lot of stress between people. I've got quite a bit of experience dealing with conflict, whether that's with a roommate who can't seem to find his way into the kitchen to help the dishes find their way into the dishwasher or with children at summer camp who blow little disagreements out of proportion. Despite this experience, I'm no expert -- I can certainly mishandle situations of conflict. I like to try to keep things simple, though, and I find that oftentimes the answers to life's problems are already out there somewhere...often, they're already written down. In the spirit of keeping it simple, here's some advice on conflict resolution from my good friend Winnie the Pooh.
"You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."
This little phrase gets at one of the most difficult parts of conflict -- actually addressing the issues. If you're mad at someone, it's easy to sulk alone or to complain openly to others about the behavior you're frustrated with. Maybe you sit around and say, "I'm ready to talk whenever they are." On the other end of things, though, the individual with whom you're in conflict with may be feeling the same way. Having the courage to reach out to someone else to address issues can stop problems from festering and eventually reaching a breaking point that could have been avoided with proactive communication earlier on. Take a few steps out of your corner of the Forest next time you have a problem with someone, and meet them where they're at.
"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them."
Even people who are frustrating beyond belief are still human beings. They have their own thoughts & feelings, and they live & breathe just like everyone else. I have been hurt terribly by absolutely wonderful people, and it has helped me so much to take a deep breath and realize that a few bad decisions don't make them weeds, so to speak. They are flowers, worthy of my attention and care. Maybe it's easier to realize the beauty in people when you already know them, but as Winnie the Pooh says, take the time to get to know people -- you'll realize they're not all that bad, after all.
"If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear."
This advice goes a long way in helping stay composed when you address problems with people. It is so easy to feel unheard by others, to feel as if your concerns are being minimized and that others don't care about what you have to say. Everyone can listen, but maybe they're not quite ready to. I sure know my lack of patience with people sometimes, when I try adamantly to get my point across when they're not ready to listen, has caused more trouble than it's solved. Just be patient. Maybe they've got their own feelings to process before they can talk. Maybe they've got a lot of other things going on...and maybe they just have a small piece of fluff in their ear.
