For as long as I can remember I've had very little confidence in myself and my ability in various areas. Not because people told me I couldn't do what I wanted to do, but because I was the one who was telling myself I couldn't. I'd spend day after day and night after night feeling terrible about myself because while I wanted to get out and meet new people and try new things, something sat inside of me which negated any and all effort.

I know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I know that plenty of my friends and loved ones suffer from self-esteem and confidence issues. They aren't only confidence issues too, they can stem from anxiety and depression. It definitely feels as if there's absolutely no way around it, and that finding confidence is impossible to do. I've been there and experienced that numerous times but after a number of years I was able to slowly come out of my shell and discover a new shade of life that developed once I was able to get out and try new things.

For starters, I admitted to myself that I needed to really get in gear if I wanted to take control of my life and stability. That was the biggest first step I've taken. I didn't want to go out. I didn't feel comfortable going out. I made some new friends who eventually would convince me to go out, and I quickly discovered that I had some of the most wonderful times doing it. However, it wasn't easy since I'd fallen into this "familiar pattern" where I stay inside and pound down bags of popcorn and chug endless amounts of ginger ale while watching movie after movie. This was especially bad over the summers. I believe one summer I watched "Pitch Perfect" about 70 times in the span of two months. I'd been noticing it more and more, and once I became fully self-aware I knew that I had to do something. It wasn't going to happen overnight while I was sleeping. I needed to put forward time and effort.

When we graduate college it also gets a little messy because while we have our degrees, where do we go from there? Fill out job applications and hope we get an interview. Then we look at others applying for the job and we think "How am I going to compete with Grant over here? He's got 27 letters of recommendation and 20 million years of work experience and he owns 12 animal shelters..." Now I know I've got the experience that I've got, and that's good enough for me. While it may take a little longer to find a job, at least the job will suit me.

I eventually found the motivation to get out and do things. I go out with friends a couple times a month. I find myself reaching out to people more and more often. I found myself in states of worry because I was afraid people won't respond, but I've gotten into the mindset of "If they don't respond, who cares? The people who respond are the one's I'll hang out with." It takes a lot of mindfulness to remember that you aren't the problem in situations. The confidence is something you will need to work on but outside parties not responding or wanting to spend time with you is not your fault.

However, you can't rely on others for your happiness. People cannot tell you how you feel, you get to decide how you feel and while other people may have some sort of influence, ultimately how you feel is based on you. Constant fighting with people does this to you. When we fight, people tend to try and force feelings onto the other but we need to remind ourselves that they don't get to decide how we feel. If I'm hurt then you don't get to tell me that I'm not hurt. If I'm sad you don't get to tell me that I'm not sad. Situations like this tend to beat down our confidence and ability to meet new people or try new things because we're used to not feeling what we want to feel.

My confidence is slowly, but surely, coming to a state that I want it to be at. I find myself being more outgoing. I find myself being less scared in front of crowds. I find myself able to do everything I never thought I'd be able to do because I took one giant first step. Once you take that first step, everything changes. That first step is different for everyone, but that first step is just as big as everyone else's.

Never let anyone tell you otherwise.