I do not wake up confident. I do not step into a classroom or a restaurant or a party brimming with confidence. In fact, I have a bit of social anxiety when it comes to parties and social events that I make myself attend. However, I know that I can put on a face and an attitude that shows I enjoy being somewhere and am genuinely interested in what others have to say to me. Yes, sometimes I freak out because I can’t think of what to say but I’ve grown accustomed to this minor spasm that occurs and life goes on. I think they call it being an “introverted extrovert.”
That being said, I’m very attuned to seeing when someone is not acting themselves or acting as confident as I know they can be. Watching someone not being themselves kills me. I remember almost the exact moment when I realized I could be who I wanted to be. It was in 7th grade, a very sensitive time when girls start to become self-conscious and question every move they make. I’m not sure why but this did not phase me. I knew who I was and I knew it wasn’t going to change. I was right. I’m pretty much the same weird 7th grader with a little more maturity and better makeup skills (yes I threw away my purple eyeliner and forest green eyeshadow).
What I have to say to those who aren’t themselves around others in social situations is to breathe. Yes, people are judging you. I’m sorry but it’s the truth; a normal human reaction. For the most part, every interaction you will have with someone in a social setting, the other person will judge you. However, why does the verb ‘judge’ have such a negative connotation to it? Yes, when you don’t smile at me, only talk about your own achievements, or contribute nothing to the conversation, I will negatively judge you for the most part. You may be someone I will automatically in my head choose to not necessarily associate with on a normal basis. Some people I’ve noticed though, have an air about them.
They don’t necessarily have to make conversation with me, I can just tell when someone is confident in being who they are, and not in a “I’m a tough bitch and if you don’t like it, too bad” way. In a “I’m okay with myself and that’s a good thing” way. My advice to those who struggle with the concept of being themselves in different situations other than with those who they are close to is, it will be okay. How did you make those connections before? You became someone you wanted to be and showed it to others. What better way to hold yourself than by being exactly who you are. Take a step back. I plan to take my own advice on this. Being me is hard. Being you is hard. Look at who you are, what makes you that way and find what you like best about that. It won’t be all of it but there are things that you care to show others. Those are and always will be my favorite parts of people. Show them off, stay humble and confidence will shine through that.
Happy November!
