My entire life I have used my pale skin as one of my main descriptors. It is a part of who I am, despite how much I wish I could have perfect sun-kissed skin. However, I wasn't always this content with my fair complexion.
When I was younger, I was constantly made fun of for my pale skin and freckles. One kid in elementary school actually decided to call me "applesauce" one day. Creative, right? It wasn't funny at the time, but now I can look back and laugh at the trivial insult because it's nothing but a word. Still, that insult has stuck with me all the way to my adult life because it was the first time that I felt like my pale skin was ugly.
Over the years I have spent countless summer days laying out for hours in the hot sun to make my skin a little less pale. Sometimes my efforts would lead to the reward of slightly darker skin, but most of the time I just ended up with a terrible sunburn. I refused to take my issues to the tanning salon because I've read one too many horror stories about tans gone wrong, but I can't say the thought never crossed my mind.
Being fair skinned has come with its own set of struggles my whole life. It's one thing being pale in the winter months, but paleness takes on a whole new meaning when summer rolls around. I spend hours trying to find a bathing suit that compliments my color and doesn't wash me out too much and I have to either cover up, or carry sunscreen with me just to make sure that I don't get burnt when I go out.
Pictures became something that I almost dreaded because I knew I would look washed out and ghostly next to basically anyone. I used to see pictures of myself in a bathing suit in the sun and sometimes cringe because I thought that it looks horrible how pale I am. It was embarrassing to be out in public in a bathing suit because I felt as though I was illuminating in the sun and that everyone was staring at me.
As I got older, I started to like my pale skin and freckles. Of course, there were times when someone would point it out as if it were something negative and I would become upset, but then I would tell myself that it is okay to stand out. It's okay that my skin is pale all the time, and it is okay that I don't want to change that. Being pale is something that I refuse to hide (ignoring the fact that I can't hide it), but it is something that I want to be happy about. Someone once told me that my pale complexion was their favorite thing about me, and since then I've had more confidence in myself and my skin.
