Confessions Of A Single Girl: Part One
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Confessions Of A Single Girl: Part One

Because you deserve gas station flowers, random dancing in the middle Walmart, and car rides to nowhere just because he doesn't want to take you home yet.

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Confessions Of A Single Girl: Part One
Vintage Lace Photography

I remember seeing him for the first time. Some friends and I were at a bowling alley and I was by the jukebox ready to play some music.

He walked by in a red t-shirt and black athletic pants. He was cute, tall, and blonde. He and I made eye contact and then a double take all in about three seconds, but it seemed like three years. Not long after that night we started dating and the rest is history. He was my high school love and my first everything. I had never been in a long term relationship before, but I honestly thought I knew everything that I needed to know about love.

We met at the end of our junior year of high school. Thinking back on us now we were just babies. Everything in the beginning, was like a honeymoon stage and it was so perfect to me. He would sing love songs to me in the car, play with my hair without me asking, and he would make me feel completely wanted. I never had to second guess his intentions or the way that he felt for me. What we had was real. Before him I would get tired of whatever guy I was talking to and I would end things, but I never got tired of him. I always said that I would never be the girl that quit hanging out with her friends for her boyfriend and I became that girl. I did not care one bit.

Eventually, that sweet love faded and our true colors started to show. I was the jealous type (I had my reasons), but sometimes I took it too far. I would look into things too much and other things I should've paid more attention to. He seemed to slowly become a different person than from the cute baseball player I fell for years prior. I get that people change, but for me I wanted to grow together. We both knew that we were only growing apart. For me, the little things are what matters most. It's the texts that brighten up your day, getting surprised with your favorite candy, and the hugs from behind when you're least expecting it. Those small efforts faded and I never once spoke up to how that made me feel (my bad). Eventually, I was just tired of not being completely happy. I knew he saw the break-up coming, but finally coming to terms with that decision was the hardest yet strongest move I've ever made. So, I ended things and I never looked back. Don't get me wrong and call me heartless because that was a year and a half decision.

It wasn't made overnight and I certainly did not want to hurt his feelings. That first month was the hardest month of my life. I had concert tickets that I bought before the breakup and I was literally having a heart attack about who to take and even if I should go. I was in a relationship for almost five years and I couldn't remember what it was like to even talk to another guy like that. Eventually, I had a cute guy to go with, but my heart just wasn't ready. I even gave the guy my tickets and said that I would make it up to him another time because I wasn't able to go. My heart needed time to heal. I remember a couple of months into the single life I was riding in the car with my dad and I started crying, like a hardcore ugly cry. He was listening to me vent and was giving me the best advice a father could give. I was telling him that I wasn't wanting my ex back, but that I was scared for the future. That is what always made me nervous: the future. I was now a single mother and the thought of doing that alone frightened me. I was thinking, "if it didn't work out with him who will it work out with?" and I was saying "I now know what I want in a guy and I will never settle for anything less". My dad simply answered with "God has someone special for you and only time will reveal who that is. I know that it's hard right now, but it will get better". That conversation was about 7-8 months ago and of course he was right. Hearing my dad say that "time heals everything" wasn't easy for me. Looking back on it the time flew by, but in that particular point in my life it felt like I was in a stand still. Now, I haven't found my happily ever after yet, but I do believe that he's out there. I pray for him daily and I know that he is indeed Heaven sent. I get asked all the time "why are you still single?", "who are you dating now?", "why don't you date (insert name)?". Here is my final answer:

1. I don't need a guy to complete me or make me happy.

2. I'm not going to settle for anything less than wonderful.

3. Who am I actually going to date? I don't have options like when Lord Farquaad picked Princess Fiona in Shrek.

4. I'm liking my single life and I won't have someone who tries to tie me down.

5. I'm not going to date (insert name) unless he shows complete interest in me. I want something that's real and someone who isn't going to waste my time.

6. I feel more like myself than I ever have and I'm not going to let some guy mess that up for me.

7. When he's the one I'll know.

8. God's timing not mine.

So I've said all of that to say this: to that girl who just broke-up with her boyfriend, it gets better. Life without that person gets easier. That awful feeling in your stomach goes away, the tears stop flowing, and the heart gets stronger. Time goes on and time heals everything. You deserve gas station flowers just because, random dancing in the middle of Walmart, and car rides to nowhere at night just because he doesn't want to take you home yet. You deserve the small things. Whatever you do please wait for that guy. If it's 2 a.m. and you're missing that ex please don't call him or text him. There is a reason to why you two did not work out in the first place. If you two are meant to be y'all will find each other again. Now, please do not hop on the next guy just because he's blowing you're phone up and calling you beautiful. Take things slow and see if he's actually a guy that you would take home to meet your family.

Otherwise, don't waste your time on someone that's not going to be your forever. I do believe in happy endings and I believe in fairytales.

Although, I don't think that everyone ends up with who God intended them to be with. Some people settle with the wrong person just to stay comfortable while others are too dang stubborn to see their soulmate right in front of them. Open up your eyes and let someone come into your heart. If you're like me you've got your heart guarded. The right guy will be brave enough to jump over that wall that you have up because he wants to and he wants you. When you meet your future spouse you'll know it because it will be different than any other love you've ever experienced.

Wait for that love. Do not settle for anything less. Be happy and enjoy your life on your own for a little while. You can't fully love someone until you love yourself first.

*The headline photo is by Ashley Ensley, owner of Vintage Lace Photography

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