I think one of the hardest things about being a part of this millennial generation, is figuring out the whole dating lingo thing. I mean, is there a certain way to go about it? And what about the awkward people who don't exactly know how to communicate and act like a normal human being when it comes to that stuff? Not all of us are the smooth, charming types who can whisk someone off in a romantic whirlwind. Okay, some of us can't even speak flirting language, or detect when someone is interested in us. We are so oblivious and clumsy that it hurts to watch and can be quite cringe worthy. Am I one of those people that I am referring to? Yes. Am I being a little hard on myself? Okay, yes. However, I will not deny that I am the queen of oblivion when it comes to dating 101 and recognizing when someone is interested in me. And there's a reason for that.

It's not because I'm stupid. I think part of it is a defense mechanism. I'm usually off in my own little world minding my own business because from day one {whenever day one was - let's just say middle school) I always felt like I blended in with everyone else, but yet stood out in not the best way. I was weird and I felt like guys didn't see me in a romantic light and didn't necessarily like me that way. I was so used to it. Even when I had serious relationships, I would still feel like I was unnoticed and insignificant. At the end of the day, I guess it all came down to self-esteem and lack of confidence in that way when it came to the dating world. I can be my most confident self, but when someone admits that they like me, I feel like it's a joke. This sounds awful, but the first thing I want to say to them when they tell me that they are interested in me, or when they ask for my phone number is "Why?", "Are you serious?", or I gracelessly walk away with a bright red face. I can never be a normal young person in this dating world in that regard. That's the one aspect of my life that I am baffled by.

My friends are confused by it, and they have told me so. I have been dubbed "Queen of oblivion" by some, and they find it humorous that I can't wake up and realize that someone might actually be interested in me. In all honestly, it's a flaw that I would like to work on {as amusing as it might be} because I don't want my lack of confidence to ruin any chances I might have with someone in the future. When a cute stranger tells me that I'm pretty, I don't want to over-analyze it and think that he's doing that just because he "feels bad for me" or something. I want to just take it as is, and knock it off.

The struggle is real, man.

I mean, just the other day, while I was working at the gas station, this guy was waiting in my line at the cash register and after I handed him his things behind the counter, he said something about "wanting the numbers". So, being the person I am, I instantly thought that he meant he wanted to know the lottery numbers. So I printed out the slip and handed it to him, and with that, he chuckled and said "No, I mean your number. Can I have your number?" I responded quite literally with "Why?" which was followed by him saying "Oh... never mind", and me watching him leave with a puppy dog look on my face mouthing the words "I'm... sorry". I felt really bad after that. Mainly because I was an idiot and assumed that he just wanted the damn lottery ticket.

Or this other day, a guy at work told me randomly that he thought I was gorgeous. I looked at him awkwardly, face bright red, and said "What? No... you say that to everyone" and he said "No I don't. And you are". I started tripping over my words, not knowing what to say except "I'm uh... I'm not used to people telling me stuff like that in person so I'm gonna just go over there and finish rolling the silverware". He chuckled, and not at me, but I think more at the fact that my awkwardness was endearing. I jumped to the conclusions that the only reason he was nice to me and said those things was because he either:
a. Felt sorry for me.
b. Wanted to be mean to me.

And lately I've been realizing how mean I am to myself. I forget how awesome I truly am, and I immediately think I am unimportant. I just assume right off the bat that I am the girl on the sidelines, the one in the background. It's funny, because I'm the one who is actually putting myself into the background when I feel like it's everyone else who is.

So these are just a few instances in the life of Julia regarding dating 101. I'm hoping that I can get better at communicating like a normal person when someone compliments me, flatters me, and is genuinely interested in me. I don't know if I'll stop being as oblivious as I am, but I am hoping that it'll be lessened enough to see how wonderful I truly am - and to see what everyone else seems to see in me.