A few weeks back, I wrote a piece on how I just can't get enough of sleep. While that's still true, I also deal with bouts of really bad insomnia; these are my stories.
According to the Mayo Clinic's website, "Insomnia can make it hard to fall asleep, stay asleep or both, even if you have the opportunity to sleep." There are many causes, but no one can really pinpoint where it all begins. When you look at insomnia that way, it's hard to see it for the hell is truly is. Insomnia is like eating your favorite food, but after one bite it starts to taste like sand, and every time you eat it you get a little taste just to tease your tastebuds, but you can never enjoy the full flavor.
Pretty terrible, right? That's just the tip of the iceberg. Add being a college student, working, trying to maintain friendships, and for some people, relationships on top of not getting enough sleep; basically now that little iceberg could sink the Titanic.
Insomnia's not all bad, though. I'm (obviously) much more of a night owl, and I like nights, they're peaceful and exciting at the same time. Most people are asleep (damn them), so can find some much needed quiet time in the stillness of the night. However, that saying "The freaks come out at night" is very true; Walmart after 9 p.m. is always a bad idea.
I thought I could think of some other good things, but I lied. Instead, I've compiled some of the things that really suck about insomnia.
1. You. Can't. Sleep.
Seeing as how that's one of the most important things in my life, this is the worst thing about insomnia.
2. You're still tired.
There's a large misconception that insomniacs stay awake and wired all night. That is not true. I'm tired -- I'm always tired -- but I'm definitely tired when I'm trying to sleep, I just can't.
3. Vamping is real.
Did you know that the internet literally dies every night? Well, it does, and there are only so many cat videos one can look up on YouTube.
4. Two words: racing, thoughts.
This is the second worst thing about insomnia. It's like your whole brain turns against you and starts bringing up that embarrassing thing you did in pre-school and then transitions to every bad decision you've ever made.
5. Expectation vs. reality.
Expectation: you'll be super productive and get even get ahead on your work. Reality: you spend most of the night on either Netflix, YouTube, or Facebook, or a combination of all three.
6. Tears.
I'm not saying this happens every night, but some nights it's just a little too much.
7. The choice.
There comes a point in every insomniacs night when they have to choose. To sleep or not to sleep. If you catch yourself still awake at 5 a.m., sleep is probably not going to happen. But, if you're the blessed few who find themselves ready for bed around 3 a.m., you're golden!
Insomnia is a blessing and a curse -- mostly, a curse. If you find yourself in a state of sleeplessness, don't panic, remain calm and understand that the night is darkest just before the dawn. That was supposed to be comforting, but it wasn't. What I meant was, nothing last forever. Wow, I'm really failing at this, sorry I'm pretty sleep deprived! It'll get better, there that's it.
