Remember the movie Mean Girls? Honestly, it would be hard to find someone who doesn't. It is one of the most quoted, most iconic movies of all time. Still, the movie showcases some of the cruelest bullying that takes place every day in high schools all across America. Today, I am confessing something that I have never owned up to, not even to myself. I used to be a mean girl.
During my freshman year of high school, I was bullied. During my senior year of high school, I became a bully. Freshman year was a hard time for me. I was awkward, had no clue how to navigate high school, and had not yet discovered the wonderful world of fashion, makeup, or contacts. Throughout the next four years, I made some friends, joined some clubs, and finally began to gain some confidence. However, I did not completely change for the better.
Though my outside appearance had changed, inside there still lived the girl who was afraid of college, who had no clue what the world held for her and in return wanted to shut it out. So, as a result of my insecurities and my fear, I lashed out. I lashed out at my mother, who still considers that one of the worst years of my life. I lashed out at my ex, who may still hold some resentment towards me. Finally, I lashed out at a girl who had nothing to do with my situation at all. I talked behind her back and constantly told my friends how annoying and obnoxious she was. In reality, I was the annoying and obnoxious one. Sadly, I am sure there are others that I hurt that year, but these are the ones that I remember.
So, this is dedicated to the ones I bullied. To that girl who did nothing against me, I'm sorry I talked behind your back. In blatant words, I was a bitch.
To those that I hurt that year, please accept my sincerest apologies. Oftentimes, when you are being bullied, you ask yourself, "what did I do wrong?" I remember that is what I asked myself when I would sit at home crying my first year of high school.
From being bullied to becoming a bully, I can see it from both sides. To those who are currently being bullied, believe me when I say that it has nothing to do with you. When I bullied others it was my way of releasing my pain and my insecurity out on others, it had nothing to do with that person.
To the ones that bully, take it from me. You are better than this. If I could take back every single mean word that I have ever said about someone or texted I would. Learn from my mistakes and find another way to release that pain and anger. But don't take it out on those who have done nothing wrong
Two years have gone by since I graduated high school and I still remember the hateful words that were said to me during my freshman year. I will always have a certain amount of insecurity that will never go away because of those words. Two years have gone by and I still remember the looks I would give to people and the gossip I would spread about others to my friends. I cringe remembering how what I thought was funny was actually mean.
I encourage all those who have ever been bullied to stand up and realize that it is not your fault and it is nothing to be ashamed of. I encourage all of those who are bullies to stand down. I understand that you have pain and hurt in your life, believe me, I did too. But the time has come to deal with your problems in a grownup and mature way. Believe me when I say that being mean is not the way.
