I am a big believer in positive body image among members of today's society. Women from Mindy Kaling to Mary Lambert have expressed their views on why women need to be proud of their bodies, no matter what their size or shape. And I support their claims and feel the urge to stand in the crowd, shouting with them for body love among all people regardless of whether they are a size 2 or 22. However, the act of loving your own body is often easier said than done.
You see, I claim to stand with these women. My outward voice states that no person should have to be ashamed of the way they look, and that a number on a dress does not define their worth. When harsh words hurt others regarding weight, shape, and volume, I am the first to defend. Yet despite this, I stood in front of the mirror in my bedroom this morning for a full 20 minutes with a bathing suit on, grabbing at cellulite in an attempt to make my stomach look flat. I tried on every swimsuit I own, drawers being opened and colorful patterns being thrown left and right. It didn't matter what the style was—halter, ruffled, high-waisted, string bikini—nothing made me happy. I found myself trying to pose in a way that would make me look the skinniest, but nothing was able to satisfy me.
When I finally picked a suit, I thought I had won. I headed to the beach with my friends, and they had no idea of the morning I had had wrestling with myself and with my worth. As I took off my cover up, they told me I had nothing to be self-conscious about, but I couldn't shake the feeling of disgust towards my physical appearance. The day went on, and each minute seemed to make me more aware of the issues people seem to have with their outward appearance. One of my friends told me she didn't want to put a picture of herself up on Instagram because it "made her look fat." I thought it sounded shallow, until I found myself later this afternoon editing my pictures for who knows how long to find a filter that would make me look the prettiest.
You think it stops there, but it doesn't. When men compliment my appearance, I don't know how to accept it. I want to shrink down into nothingness because the fact that they made a statement about the way I look reminds me that I have the potential to be judged by them. My confidence plummets greatly, hitting the ground with a large bang. And you should see the amount of time I spend in front of the mirror some mornings, thinking over how I can make my complexion more cohesive, what eye shadow will make my eyes pop, and what color of blush I should use to make my cheekbones stand out.
Don't get me wrong, I am fine. This is not a cry for help, and the last thing I want to see on my Facebook timeline when I share this article is an array of compliments about "how pretty I am" or that "my smile lights up a room" (cue my mom's supportive friends). I am a strong person, and I can say definitively that I don't have body image issues. I am confident in my abilities and in my strengths, I love guacamole far too much to keep away from it, and Italian food just might be my vice. But if I were a betting girl, I'd put all of my money on the fact that this is how most young people feel today. That while even when they don't have body image issues, they have body image pitfalls, ruts, and dislikes about themselves that can take over at times.
Here's the thing: I am not calling for my body to change; I am calling for our minds to change the way we think. Hear me out, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle and it is important that we treat our bodies properly with exercise and kindness. But that kindness also comes in the form of how we feel about ourselves and our worthiness. We cannot loathe ourselves and still be happy and secure with who we are all at the same time. The fact is, the realities of our looks will always fail to live up to our expectations if our expectations continue to be outrageous and unhealthy.
The one thing I've realized is that no one else is going to do this for us. It will take work, it will take time, it will take each other, and it will take practice because society will never stop throwing its unattainable ideals of beauty at us. But when we can love ourselves with abandon, no disclaimer, no footnote, no strings attached, we will have found success above the false body prophets of our day. While it won't be easy, learn to love yourself unconditionally. I'll be trying to do the same.




















