We met by chance. Isn't that how these things always go? We started talking and wow, we really did click. We became best friends instantly. That was a beautiful thing. I've almost forgotten what that feels like. Having that instant connection with someone just doesn't come easily; though I suppose it never does.

Things were great for a while. They really were. We were the best of friends. We told each other everything. The dramatic school stories, the bad dating stories, the not-so-appropriate-for-everyday-conversation stories. No subject was off limits to us. I wasn't used to something like that, and I don't think you were either. It was something so foreign. You were so easy to open up to. You listened to my problems and you let me hear what I needed to hear, even when I didn't want to. I think that was one of the things that made our friendship great.

And things stayed great--until the day you called me beautiful. It caught me off guard. I wasn't prepared for that. That's when I tried to push the platonic relationship. You weren't just my best friend anymore, you became the big brother that I never had. And for a while, it was true. You protected me. You made me feel safe. You made me happy despite all of the things going on in my life at the time. Somehow I knew that you had different feelings, and I didn't want to ruin what we had. We had something good going, and that sort of thing would just ruin it all. Maybe I was selfish for that, but could you blame me?

Even with that wall that I built, you found a way to get over it. You were always good at trying to prove me wrong. It was your specialty. Even now I can't pinpoint when exactly it happened. It could have happened through the late night phone calls; staying up until four in the morning just talking about life, love, and our ceilings. Or maybe it was after my first big heartbreak. You were right there. You helped me through it. You were my shoulder to cry on. Or maybe it was the night we talked about what we wanted in our lives. Maybe it was all of the above. You worked on that wall for so long. Maybe you just distracted me too well that I never noticed you taking the wall down brick by brick.

When that last brick fell, I couldn't deny it anymore. I had fallen for you. Eventually we talked about it, too. We had both fallen for each other, but we were both too scared to ruin our friendship. We had such a good thing going, but things started to get complicated when we started to date other people. The jealousy couldn't be contained on either part. We both wanted the best for each other and we both believed it was each other. We were too stubborn to make the move. We were too scared to take that plunge. That's where things started to fall apart.

I never fully appreciated all that work you put into breaking down that wall of mine. I know now that I was selfish. I had put my feelings first and just kept going. I know now why things didn't work out. And you were right. I was selfish and dependent. But that's what our relationship had always been. We depended on each other for everything. We were each other's emotional anchors. I went to you with all of my problems, just as you did with me. But I went one problem too many, and you couldn't take it anymore. I don't blame you. I was immature and too stubborn. I never really appreciated what I had until it was gone.

I miss you every day that I can't talk to you. I still find the little things that remind me of you. Every time I stare up at my ceiling I can't help but smile. And even though we don't talk anymore, maybe someday you'll think about me and smile too.

I took what you said and I listened. I'm not that dependent girl anymore. I don't open up as easily as I used to. I don't let everyone else solve my problems for me. I've grown up. It's taken me a long time to appreciate the way our friendship ended. You did what you had to do and now I am grateful for it. I've gone so far because of what you had told me, but there will always be the days that I wish I could call you and tell you my good news. There will always be a time where I wish things didn't end the way they did. You will always be a big part of my life.

But there will never be a day that I regret our friendship. I will never forget you for as long as I live. And I hope you feel that way too. Now I can say that I was in love with you, and to this day I still love you. You were my first real heartbreak, but most importantly, you were and always will be my best friend.