Though I’ve been disappointed by life hundreds of times, the one thing I will never stop believing in is love, both platonic and romantic. I’m one of those “soft” people who try to see the good in everyone so that I see life as something breathtakingly beautiful.
However, I also believe that we tend to “settle” in both life and love.
Romantic love, of course, is the cornerstone of American culture.
Somewhere along the way, we as a society have developed a set of cultural milestones to reach in life: graduate high school, graduate college, get married, buy a house, have kids, and so on. We’re expected to marry at a relatively young age when you think about it. If you live to the ripe old age of 80 and get married at 25, that’s 55 years of your life spent with one person — over half your life.
The problem is that people rush into it or they cling to what they already have even if it’s not working anymore.
I see this happen frequently in my age group. We rush to form relationships in high school and especially college because that’s what everyone else is doing. I believe that most people carry a lingering fear that time is running out, so this causes them to settle for someone who is just good enough to pass as a partner. They may have some flaws that irritate you to no end, or maybe they’re not as dedicated as you’d like them to be, but at least they’re yours.
I also see strangers meet and start dating within weeks of meeting each other, which sounds great in the moment and filled with passion, but they rarely last long-term. They’re good for experience, and I absolutely believe that all the feelings are genuine, but I’ve noticed as time goes by, people’s less-friendly personalities come out.
Maybe you didn’t know that she goes through periods of depression randomly, and you’re suddenly at a loss at how to communicate anymore. Maybe you didn’t know he treats his mother badly, and now you’re wondering if that’s how he feels about all women. Some relationships like these may work, but establishing trust and intimacy as friends beforehand, I think, makes for stronger relationships. They tell you to “date your best friend” for a reason.
My two friends began dating in eighth grade and now attend different colleges, but their love is as strong as it was on day one as it is five years later. Their relationship was built on trust and communication, especially during the vulnerable fighting moments, and that’s what makes them so special. They’re a rare case, though, because in most relationships, communication is lacking.
Then there are the people who fall out of love but stay in the relationship for the security of it.
I completely understand that line of thinking. You’ve built up this foundation of trust, memories, shared holidays with each other’s families — it’s not easy to break a bond like that. But if one or both of you don’t feel that same spark, love becomes stagnant and that’s not how it should be. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why people cheat. Maybe they’re too scared to leave the comfort of the relationship but want to experience something new at the same time.
But I also believe that love is a process, and whatever you put into it you’ll (supposedly) get out of it. You can’t change who a person is, however, and if your significant other matured into a different person, maybe you’re not meant to be with them anymore.
There’s a difference between loving someone deeply and being deeply in love with them. You can fall out of love with a person but still care for them just as much.
I define romantic love as a series of random moments. You’re in love when your breath catches when your eyes meet, and you can’t help but blush and look away. It’s a twirling-around-the-room-dancing-to-love-songs kind of happy, and you can’t wait to spend every moment with them. You’re not meant to be until, as the cliche goes, your heart beats for each other.
But then again, that’s just me. Love can mean different things to everyone.
