Comparison Will Kill Your Confidence

Comparison Will Kill Your Confidence

And why there is absolutely nothing wrong with being you.

Albert Einstein once (maybe twice) said, “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” And I think I have heard that a hundred times, but this past week I saw it on Pinterest in a cute little picture, and this is the first time I have thought of it as more than a cliché saying. It caught me in my tracks and quickly realized how more often than not, I believe that I am the fish, judging myself on my ability to climb a tree. And time and time again I live in the lie that I am inadequate.

Often times I think we begin simply with physical comparison. And with each comparison comes a deeper desire to be more like someone else. Soon enough you find yourself in a mindset that makes appraisal a prerequisite. It’s in these times of insecurity, vulnerability, incompetency, unworthiness, or invisibility, that we are most prone to compare. Comparison can send you into a spiraling track of unworthiness as you become increasingly aware of all your faults and shortcomings.

Comparison is thinking things like…
“If I was more like (insert name) then… ”
“If I was more (insert skill) then…”
“If only I had what (insert name) has then… ”

Then what? Then you’d be more attractive? You’d be more love or successful? You’d be happier? I am guilty of thinking like this too, more times than I would like to admit, by taking my worst trait, and holding it up to someone else’s best trait. At some time or another, I am sure I have frowned upon most of the things that make me, well me. Is my laugh obnoxious? Am I too clingy? Did I study enough? I wish my eyebrows weren’t so dark. I wish my hair wasn’t so curly. If only I was skinny like her. Would more guys like me if I was more athletic?

We are heavily weighed down by the chains of comparison. It sparks an inability to live joyfully, causing us to spend so much time focusing on others that we fail to look at ourselves for all the wonderful things we were uniquely created to be.

Beloved. God says that you are his beloved. He speaks to you and says that he is happy with you. He is pleased with you. You are His beloved.

This is the very first step to any sort of success or personal growth or steps toward fulfilling your mission in Him on His earth He made for you.

This might be the first time you are hearing this. And if it is, welcome. Let these words of truth resonate in your heart and allow them to take root in your soul and fill all the corners of your being, and let it speak loudly to your spirit. You Are Loved. It is often not easy to hear the still small voice that whispers this to us, it is muffled by those thoughts of comparison and overcome by a world that screams at you to look a certain way or believe certain things.

Galatians 1:10 states, “Am I saying this now to win the approval of people or God? Am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ’s servant.”

It is then — when we forget that we are God’s precious children — that we begin to lose sight of the beauty we hold and begin to believe the lies of comparison.

Sometimes it is hard to see our gifts, to recognize our talents, especially in our times of comparison. Being His beloved requires us to rejoice in our differences, to include, not exclude, to praise, not decry, to choose compassion, rather than competition, to work with others in admiration, not envy.

God knew we would feel this way, above the fact that it is simply human nature to compare, because the bible describes this problem through the account of Saint Paul to the Corinthians. He notes that the human body is made up of many parts — hands, eyes, feet, legs, arms, ears. And though these body parts all have very different functions, they are all vitally important to your body. Without one of these parts, we would be weaker.

Saint Paul goes on to comment,

“As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I do not need you,’ nor again the head to the feet, ‘I do not need you.’ Indeed, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary, and those parts of the body that we consider less honorable we surround with greater honor, and our less presentable parts are treated with greater propriety, whereas our more presentable parts do not need this.”

You are needed, you are loved. You are not any less.

Cast out your insecurities find the truth in your comparisons.

Is my laugh obnoxious? Nope. It makes you, you. It makes others smile. It’s contagious.

Am I too clingy? No. You love hard. You show others their worth and you value relationships. You care.

I wish my eyebrows weren’t so dark. You have your father’s eyes. You share that with him.

I wish my hair wasn’t so curly. It has endless possibilities. Embrace it!

Would more guys like me if I was more athletic? Have you seen your paintings? Check out that writing! The right one will come along. Trust Him.

Today I want you to try to banish this culture of insecurity and comparison.

  1. Write down what you love about yourself and look at it every day.
  2. Don’t Judge a book by its cover, we all carry crosses. Don’t look upon a person with blind eyes, don’t compare your journey to someone else’s.
  3. Get rid of sources of inflow that spark insecurities and comparison. Maybe your fit Instagram pages are defeating you rather than building you up. It doesn’t hurt to unfollow.
  4. Surround yourself with people who love you for you!
  5. Compliment someone new every day. Focus on things that aren’t physical. Help them to love themselves for who they are, not what they are.
  6. Pray! Ask Him to cast out your insecurities, praise Him for all your blessings.
Cover Image Credit: Ann Marie McCollum

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Christian Boys Vs. Godly Men

It is time to stop settling for the lesser of the two.

Ladies, there is a huge difference between a Christian boy and a Godly man; therefore, it is time to stop settling for the lesser of the two.

So many times I hear girls saying:

“Well, he’s a Christian.”

“He goes to church with me.”

“He listens to Christian music.”

“He went to church camp.”

“He has a favorite bible verse.”

SEE ALSO: What An Attractive Man Looks Like

Well, all of those things are just peachy and there is nothing wrong with doing those things. I mean, they’re all good things to do. But how is his personal relationship with God? How is his prayer life? Does he talk about his relationship with God, with you? Is he truly a follower of the one true God in all aspects of his life? These are some of the characteristics you should be looking for that makes a Godly man.

Ladies, a man will love you great when he loves God greater.

A Godly man will pursue an honest relationship with you. He will be clear of his intentions. A Godly man will worship, pray and passionately praise God with you. Whereas, a Christian boy might open the door for you, a Godly man will open his bible and explore God’s word with you so that you both may grow spiritually, together. While a Christian boy may put on an outward show, a Godly man will live out the love of Jesus daily.

So ladies, are you catching on to this ongoing trend? A Godly man does more because you deserve more.

A Godly man will be a leader. Trust me, I know that in today’s society Godly men are few and far between while Christian boys come in plenty. But you deserve a man who is after God’s heart not just a boy who goes to church. And I know that this Christian boy may seem great and have some really stellar qualities at the time but money and looks fade, whereas, an ongoing love for our savior will not.

The greatest thing a man can do for a woman is to lead her closer to God than himself. (Yes, yes, yes).

SEE ALSO: As Christians, Life Isn't Supposed To Be Hard

So I beg of you, do not settle. Do not settle just because you’re tired of being single, it’s convenient or because you want the relationship your friend has. Single does not equal available and a relationship status does not define you. God uses your season of singleness to prepare you for what is to come. And if you’re dating a Christian boy, he needs to step it up or you need to move on. Wait for a Godly man who is ready to lead you. God’s timing is always better, always. No matter the circumstance. So, do not rush God. (I mean, He is, after all, pretty good at His job). Therefore, turn your full focus to Him and He will direct your path.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

Cover Image Credit: Christina Sharp

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If God Didn’t Intend For Women To Be Equals, Why Did She Make Us So Incredible?

Yeah, I said She.


An article that absolutely infuriates me has gone viral. As a feminist, as a writer, and simply as a woman, it drives me up a wall to see another woman proclaiming that God's plan for women was to "submit to their husbands."

I don't know where to start with all the issues I found in reading the piece, so I'll start with what a feminist is. It's a subjective term and its connotation varies from person to person.

But to me, feminism is being empowered and expressive individuals with open minds and open hearts. They are activists for change and equality. They have concerns about the environment and global warming. They acknowledge issues within sexism and racism and then try to figure out how to solve them. They see that the world isn't perfect.

Feminists are the reason we can vote. They're the reason birth control is an option for us. They're why we're allowed to wear pants. They're why we have careers. The female pioneers paved the way for anything we're allowed to do, and they are why we celebrate the power of women every March.

But instead, the woman who wrote "I'm A Christian And I'm Not A Feminist, Because God Did Not Intend For Women To Be Equals," used our month of pride for clout. And took justification from The Bible to do it.

The Bible is not an instruction manual. It was written over many, many years by hordes of sexist men whose existence we have minimal proof of. And over the last thousand years, it's been translated and reinterpreted more times than anyone could ever keep track of. That's not to say it doesn't have some good lessons, but lessons are all they are.

Thinking your worth and capabilities were planned for you thousands of years in advance is ignorant. Religion and The Bible and God are as subjective as feminism. Everything is open-ended. One person's view of who or what God is not going to be the same as the last.

Commonly, God is seen as a man at the center of the universe who holds all existence in his hands. He is the reason why anyone does anything. He is the rule maker. And He is judging us and waiting for our every mistake.

But as a proud feminist, I've chosen to have my own idea of this holy being. I wasn't brought up in church, but I decided to believe in something much greater than myself or anything I've ever seen just because I wanted to. I want to believe that faith has to come from somewhere, and I didn't want a book making the rules for me.

Just by watching life move through time, I happen to believe God is the good in all of us. Not one being, but he beginning and the end of everything. The push and the pull. The conscious and subconscious. And considering that God is the creator, I've concluded God must be a woman because women are the creators.

And in my experience, women have proved themselves to be much stronger and more capable than any man.

As for what She creates, I think She makes no mistakes. I think She tests our patience and beliefs by giving us what we don't expect. There's intent and love in everything She gives us. I think every woman was made to be relentless, imperfect, fearless, and even a little rebellious.

And if we're saying Adam and Eve were the start of it all, then God proved that right off the bat. God saved the best for last, and then made her a badass. Yes, the first woman came into this world as a rule breaker. She questioned authority. And since the beginning of time, authority has been a snake. The world is our forbidden fruit to bite.

The sole purpose of a woman isn't to submit to anyone. A woman can do whatever she damn well pleases, just as any man. A woman's worth isn't tied to what kind of wife or mother she is and how closely she follows the rules. I was raised by the most incredible mom and wife. She did happen to stay at home with me and be the traditional woman. But while she was home, she taught me how great it is to be a woman. She made sure I knew I could be whoever I wanted and would pay no consequences for that.

My parents didn't raise me in a church. And I never saw that as a flaw or lack of judgment. My southern home was like a church; full of faith and love. But on Sundays, we would sleep in and have a big breakfast at noon because we had too much fun staying up late Saturday night dancing around our living room to music. Whitney Houston, Dolly Parton, Shania Twain, and Madonna led the choir — singing about independence and the power of being empowered as women.

As a feminist, I will not judge those who haven't accepted all the honors of being female. I can just tell everyone how wonderful it is to stand for something. I can set an example so that more women will go forward.

And despite what anyone thinks of feminism, there's nothing exclusive about it. Feminists don't think they're any better than men, they just want the chance to prove their capabilities. It's so much bigger than thinking men suck. The truth is, we should have men at our side, not in front of or behind us. And not for romantic partnerships, but as allies. The best men are feminists too. We can make this walk alone, but there's power in numbers and in diversity.

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