If I thought back to it, I realized that I started to like girls since I was 8; that was the fourth grade. It wasn't until my freshman year of high school that I realized that I had feelings for girls. I didn't know what to do.

At first, I thought that I was sick. Coming from a conservative Christian family, not liking boys was a sin. No one else in my family has ever been of the LGBTQ community and as far as I knew, being gay was frowned upon. Growing up around my grandparents and father there were many comments on those who were gay and they were often judging those that were a bit...different. So, out of fear of being different I hid what I felt away from my family.

Yes, I hid my feelings from my family. I came out of the 'closet' in high school my sophomore year. It didn't seem to be too big of a deal because everyone was queer in some way. I had my first girlfriend and was very public about it at school but my parents did not know. I often made sure that my friends would not talk about my sexuality in front of family because I did not want them to know. It was hard to keep something so big away and I eventually began dropping hints around my sister. I would often ask her if she thought it was wrong for someone to like the same sex and would tell her that I was gay but come back and say I was only kidding. I then came out and told her that I was gay and did not take it back. I needed someone to talk to and as my little sister I hoped she would accept me. She did and now I had someone to talk to.

My sister knew for a year. The end of my junior year in high school, I got a pretty serious girlfriend. I was always talking to her and calling her on the phone. She lived in Crete, NE so I didn't get to see her in person even though I really wanted to. Then, it happened. In January on my way to the eye doctor I was talking to my mom. I've always been pretty quiet when just sitting in the car but for some reason I was rather chatty that day. As soon as I got to the eye doctor, it spilled out of my mouth.

"Mom, I don't like boys."

I was in tears instantly. Why at this moment in time did I decide to say this? So many things were going through my head but only nanoseconds later my mom told me that it was fine. She said that it was okay if I didn't like boys and that I could like girls. I was relieved. I told her all about my girlfriend at the time and she was happy that I was happy. Then I realized that my dad had did not yet know.

I made my mom tell my dad. It was something I could not bring myself to say to him. My mom did tell him and then he approached me. He had told me he had wished that I did like guys, but after many years of trying to force myself into having those feelings, I just couldn't. I didn't say much to him other than the fact that I had a girlfriend and since then it wasn't really a topic to be brought up. From there it was easy. My mom had told her side of the family about it and they only ever wanted me to be happy and did not care who I liked. However, my dad's side of the family still did not know.

It wasn't until a late spring day that I was at my grandparents house and the topic of having a boyfriend came up. I told them I didn't have one and they kept bothering me about not having one. Then it just came out, "I have a girlfriend." All I can remember is my grandma saying "Why would you do that?" She was disgusted at the time and all I could tell her was that I loved who I loved and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Since then they've become pretty accepting of me.

Now, four years later, I am able to bring girlfriends around my entire family and not be uncomfortable about it. It is a lot easier to talk about my sexuality around others. It isn't something I flaunt around, it's something I am just proud of and want to be open about. I don't want to hide in any more closets.