What It Was Like Coming Out At An All-Girls Catholic High School
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

What It Was Like Coming Out At An All-Girls Catholic High School

The uncomfortable truth about homophobia today.

662
What It Was Like Coming Out At An All-Girls Catholic High School
Isabelle Polito

When people who know I am a lesbian learn that I went to an all-girls Catholic high school, they tend to react in the same way. They get a look of wounded sympathy and say something along the lines of “well that must have sucked.” I don’t have a good soundbite -- just a self-deprecating joke for a response. That’s what people want, right? A joke about how backwards Catholicism is -- let people bask in the feeling of social liberal superiority.

I can’t give that to you in this article. The truth is a hell of a lot more complicated, and no one (including myself) comes out the other side smelling of roses.

Well first, you have to know a little bit about me. I am white, socio-economically secure, able-bodied, and cisgendered; despite my queerness, I posses more privilege than most -- you should be aware of this. I don’t want you reading what I say next as the blanket experience of every person who went to an all-girls Catholic school while queer. Intersectionality is not just a buzzword; it changes experience in huge and unexpected ways. I can’t speak to the experience of queer people of color, transgender, differently abled, or those living in poverty. I can only speak for me.

So how was it coming out at a Catholic high school?

When I was a senior, I took a class called “Human Sexuality.” Part of the course was something called “homosexuality day." I sat there for an hour and a half while it was explained to me why gay people were not evil (they should just not have sex), and how sad we should be for gay people. I stared at a PowerPoint listing suicide rates and depression among “gay youths” while thinking, “are you fucking kidding me?” My teacher never mentioned the possibility of a gay kid being in her class, let alone that there was another life path for queerness that didn’t involve fierce discrimination and celibacy. At the time, I thought that this was the worst bit of homophobia that I had experienced thus far. Then I changed my mind. The worst part had already happened.

Every day, we, as a class, learned what was supposed to constitute a family: man, woman, and child. This was preached every day, the theme of every lesson. I have always wanted kids and to get married. I wanted exactly what was being preached to me -- but I was deigned unworthy of it. I was not told I was evil or that I was going to hell. But the subtext, the unspoken message, was clear: any child of mine would be worse off, two female parents a detriment to the family unit. I was an afterthought, less holy and less good.

Coming out at a Catholic high school was silence. It was realizing that there were only 10 ‘out’ kids in a school of 800. It was talking about your sexuality in class and the nice girl sitting two seats over not making eye contact with you for the rest of the semester. It was a classmate asking you, “how do lesbians have sex?" It was people looking away when you went into the “support group” in the counseling center -- it was called that because having a Gay-Straight Alliance might lose the school donors. It was “you’ll be so much happier when you graduate” said kindly by a teacher you admire while you wonder “why can’t I be happy now?”

It was not people screaming that I was worthless -- it was people constantly whispering that I was worth less than everyone else. That quiet, cancerous bias -- guess what? -- is present everywhere. I have felt it in college lecture halls, small-town bars, abroad and at home. It exists everywhere in so many forms. We will never be “color blind” (anyone who tries to say they are sounds like an idiot), and you will never not think of me differently than my heterosexual counterparts.

So where do we go from here?

I had a teacher who taught me the word “heteronormativity.' She encouraged me to write about my experiences and perform them -- even if it made people uncomfortable. When I performed a poem for the class (probably over-the-top and self-righteously) about my sexuality, I felt 10 feet tall. When people looked uncomfortable afterwards, I didn't care. I was done apologizing for my existence for the sake of someone else's comfort. She was a teacher at my all-girls Catholic high school.

Look at your privilege, and your bias, and go from there (I promise I will, as well). We should all try to be better and kinder; we should consider justice and love as two parts of a whole, something that we owe one another. Nobody is worth less than anyone else -- now we have to act like it.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

55505
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

35782
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

957799
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

185944
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments