Home. When most people think of their home, they think of their house they grew up in, where their family lives. But "home" is more than just a house you reside in. It's a concept, an idea. Home is the feeling of comfort and security.
The transition to college for me was hard. Although I had wanted out of the town that I had felt trapped in, as soon as I got to college, I wanted nothing more than to go back to the place that had given me the best memories. I was separated from my friends, my family and thrown into an environment where I didn't know anyone. Coming to college, I didn't think I would be homesick. I didn't even cry within the first week of being here. I thought it would work out just fine.
But as time went on, I craved familiarity and what I knew. I wanted to be home again. I needed the reassurance that my friends were still my friends, that my family dynamics were still the same. Although I go to a school with thousands of students, I still managed to feel alone. Here my high school friends were, living their college lives and I felt forgotten about. I had made the effort to reach out to people, Facetiming, texting, but it seemed that everyone was too busy for me. Everyone had moved on to this stage in their life without me.
I came to the realization that I never processed what was happening. Graduating from high school, saying goodbye to my friends, coming to college, life just seemed to keep going and I didn't properly register what was going on. I let things happen and never took a step back to see what I was doing wrong. Once it hit me, it hit me hard. I couldn't eat or sleep. I called my mom and cried. I had cried for home, for my closest friends, for my family. I didn't know what to do. I'm here at college, by myself...what do I do?
I was so used to my life at home and the constant dynamic I had that once I came to college I didn't understand that I wasn't home anymore. I was too comfortable being only 10 minutes away from my friends and being able to consistently reach them whenever I wanted to talk. But late night phone calls at home turned into missed calls. Constant texting at home turned into "Sorry, I was in class". Everyone was so caught up adjusting to college life to keep up with me and I realized that I never did adjust. I never took time for myself to adjust.
So here I am, ready for my college experience. Now that I've had my awakening, I am ready to move on. It's tough, but it's possible. I am still a little homesick, but November will come in no time. I can do this.