The years of self-doubt, of critical voices, of continual envy of others, of questioning one’s abilities, those years have overstayed their welcome. College marks a new beginning, a time away from home, where we become independent, where our identity becomes more concrete.
We start to realize who we are and who we want to be. The foundation for our values, beliefs, and patterns of life are being constructed. That is why it is crucial that we commit to self-love now. If we start now, the easier it will be to love ourselves in the future. But why even make self-love a priority?
It is here I answer a question with a question: Why wouldn’t we? Why wouldn’t we take the time to love and invest in the person we will be with for the rest of our lives—ourselves? I see so many of my peers devoting their time and energy into someone or something else, completely forgetting to dedicate time and attention to self.
Self-care is a huge issue in college. Not many of us know how to be aware and diligent when it comes to our own needs. We pile the work on, we juggle too many activities, and we don’t give ourselves breaks. We don’t pay attention to ourselves—to our needs— and we do not prioritize them. This is extremely unhealthy. What we are missing is self-love.
Self-love begins with self-consideration, a reflection and recognition of who you are. From there, it is the decision to accept and embrace all that you are—your strengths and weaknesses alike, your best moments and worst mistakes—all of it. Ultimately, self-love can only occur when you actively work to become comfortable, and confident, in your own skin. This is easier said than done.
I have found it helpful to first focus on the qualities of myself that are easy to like, those characteristics people have pointed out to me, have complimented me on or encouraged me by. Sometimes it helps to think back to teachers or coaches that saw something in me. Other times, I just have to fake it until I make it. I tell myself I am beautiful, even when I don't feel it.
Words are powerful, especially the words you say to yourself. When you look in the mirror, tell yourself you're beautiful, or maybe take notice that your hair looks especially good that day. Remind yourself in times of frustration to be kind to yourself; this is something that my dad has often repeated to me, “Be kind to yourself, Lindsey.”
Surround yourself with people who affirm you, who will tell you how wonderful and special you are, even when you don’t feel it. And now and again, take a moment to unleash your narcissistic alter ego, and bask in your beauty apologetically. Again, fake confidence if need be, it will become genuine eventually.
When you end up loving and respecting yourself, taking care of yourself comes naturally. You automatically begin investing in yourself, having pride in your accomplishments. What is important to remember is that self-love is a journey, and that you never truly arrive at an endpoint; it is a process, not a destination. This is what happens when you live in a world constantly telling you, you are not enough.
So pledge today to start this journey of self-love, or choose with me to recommit to it today. Remember who you are, be kind and patient with yourself. You are beautiful. You are enough. Now start practicing and believing it.
