23.1% of female and 5.4% of male undergraduate students will be the victim of rape or sexual assault in their 4 years at college (RAINN). 12 million students under the age of 25 will be on college campuses all across the United States this upcoming school year.

The topic of sexual violence on campuses has been especially prevalent this year. The Brock Turner case at Stanford and the Austin Wilkerson case at CU-Boulder left two men with minimal punishments for awful crimes.

Despite the varying opinions on just consequences for the two men, that is not why we are writing this article. It's to prevent these situations from happening. 1.3 women are raped every minute, it is our job to bring this horrific statistic down.

Like many other colleges, at UC Santa Barbara it is required to take alcohol and sexual violence seminars. This is an effort to educate incoming freshman on what to do in dangerous situations.

Women say, "Why should we be responsible for a man's aggressive actions?"

Men say, "She came on to me, she wanted my attention."

Bystanders say, "They looked like they were enjoying themselves, I didn't want to intervene."

They all have a point. But the problem is on ALL of us.

Sexual assault is enabled by the people we surround ourselves with. To understand both genders views and thought process behind sexual assault we have asked each other some questions:

Girls Questions for Guys

Q: Why do guys assume that showing skin is code for wanting to hook up?

As guys, I will admit we have massive temptation for taking further action when girls quote on quote "invite" us by wearing certain clothing. Many guys see a girl's clothing as a sign of how available she is for others. If a girl wears a Victorian style dress, though not realistic, it sends a different signal if girls show more skin. The reality is our gender needs to appreciate often its a big deal on how girls look when they go out. Instead of taking the clothing as a sign to hook up, complement her looks in a kind and graceful way instead of just telling her she's "sexy". Don't look for more than what the girl trusts you with.

Q: We just kissed, but I do not want anything further to happen. How do I say "no" without being labelled a "bitch" or a "prude"?

I can't speak for all guys, but this would be the way that I would respect the girl a bunch. First as a girl, (and by the way this can go both ways), tell him flat out "no more tonight please". You can also say something like "I really was just about to go home with my girlfriends, I don't want anymore tonight". You'll learn a lot about the guy you're dealing with based on his reaction. If he responds in an aggressive way or calls you a "bitch", your safety trumps a label. Guys may call you some things in the heat of the moment when they are most likely intoxicated. But by saying "no" and standing by your gut and conviction, you will ultimately earn the respect of the right guys, not the ones who hunt girls at parties.

Q: I just told you to stop, are you going to walk away or are you taking that as me giving you a challenge?

Guys take the "stop" response in a multitude of ways. For myself, I know I would walk away because going further is dangerous to my reputation and my morals. Girls, please don't ever try to challenge a guy in taking more. It's not a game you want to play with a guy you may or may not know.

Q: I see a situation that may be leading to a form of sexual assault, but I am not sure and I am too scared to get involved. Will you say something for me?

First, assess whether you know the guy or girl involved in this dangerous situation. It'll be easier if you know either person, but even if you don't you should attempt to intervene. To the initiator of the possible assault, I would try to ask how they know each other, and then if I still felt uncomfortable about it, tell him/her "you're better than that" or invite them to go get food with your group. Sobering up a bit for both parties might do a bit to disarm a situation. Yes, you may miss out on part of the party, but its not worth knowing you could have saved somebody from a really bad situation.

Guys Questions for Girls

Q: So why do you dress to get attention? It's hard to look away sometimes.

A: Regardless of how I dress, why I am wearing these, or how much skin is showing, this is not consent to touch me in any way. I may look good in whatever I am wearing, but by no means does that mean you can have sex with me. I could be covered head to toe, or I can be completely naked, no matter what the clothes that I am wearing (or not wearing) is not permission to rape. Not being able to look away from me, is different than actually putting your hands on me and raping.

Q: Why can we not take your hint for dancing on us as a sign for a bedroom?

A: Nothing is consent unless the words "yes" is explicitly stated. That is it. Unless I say "yes" to what ever it is you want, is not consent. It is not rocket science. To avoid any confusion, always ask before taking any sexual advances. I know, you might feel awkward asking, but thats just what is needed in todays society because we do live in a rape culture. As sad as it is, this is the reality we live in. You may think this does not happen at UCSB, but it does. This has happened to me. One time I was dancing with a guy at a party and he took that as something way more than it was. When I realized he wanted more, and I definitely did not, I walked away and met back up with my friends. When I walked away, he grabbed me from behind and began to kiss me. I pulled away and just brushed it off my shoulder, but then he grabbed me again (pulling me away from my friends) and told me to go back to his room with him. When I said no, he got upset but I did not care. By no means did I have to give into him and give up my body. Dancing is all fun and games, but when it crosses the line of force, is when issues surface. Luckily, in this situation I was sober. We all know that not every person is sober when something like this happens. This is why as peers, we need to be aware and pay attention to what is going on around us. Even if you do not think it is your place to say something, double check that everything is okay if you see something going on that does not seem right. Trust your gut. If anything just pull the two people away from each other for more than 30 seconds and see if they are actually hitting things off and everything going on is consensual. You are always better safe than sorry. If one person would have checked in with sexual assault victims before it happened, the situation may have been prevented. You may not want to intervene, but I believe that as a fellow gaucho we are all responsible to look out for each other. As cliche as it sounds, we are all in this together.

Q: But you said it was OK when we went back to my room?

A: Consent is revokable at anytime. If I say no to anything, at anytime, it means no. It means stop. Consent is not forever. If you are becoming victim to unwanted sexual advances, be assertive and clear that this is not what you want. Be clear as to what you want and what you do not want to happen. Communication is key. By no means should you not voice what is on your mind, you have every right to say no. Do not think that you owe this guy (or girl) your body. It is your body.

Q: We hooked up before and it was OK?

A: Like stated before, consent is provokable. Actually, in 80% of all rapes, the victim knows the perpetrator. It does not matter if we hooked about a thousand times before, consent is needed before every sexual activity, every time.

Lets face it, rape and unwanted sexual advances is a part of our reality at UCSB. As much as I have pride for our campus, it happens here. Walk down DP on any given Saturday night and you can see situations that have the potential to end in rape.

As guys, we need to realize that girls are a blessing and not an object. If the hook-up culture is a reality that you decide to participate in, frankly you're playing with fire. Ask girls every step of the way if what you're doing is okay, and if she's drunk or high, care for her. Yes, it can be difficult, but I guarantee she and her girlfriends will appreciate you more by being there for her when she is not herself.

As bystanders, it is hard to focus on the needs of others when you're at a place to have fun after a stressful week of school, work, or life. But as college students, we live in an environment where we enable these situations to happen. Fraternities, sororities, sports teams, and clubs often champion an idea of "work hard, play hard", but we need to come together to lower the amount of these awful events.

As girls, we need to stand our ground and be aware of what is going on around us. We have a tendency of giving into a guy just to please him. We need to stop that. Be assertive. When it comes to situations like these, put your needs above anyone else's. Realize that if this guy is not willing to respect your boundaries, he is not the guy for you. As women, we need to look out for one another. We are in this together.

It's not just on the girls' responsibility going out.

It's not just on the bystanders not intervening.

It's not just on the guys' aggressive behavior.

It's on ALL of us.

This article couldn't have been possible without my co-author Hayley Wade. Thanks to Hayley for bringing a woman's perspective so each gender can understand each other to this awful problem. I look forward to working with her in the future!