Content warning: This article contains descriptions of rape/sexual assault.

Saturday, February 8, 2020.

I never thought my life would change for the worst that night...

I was in my university-owned apartment, I am a junior in nursing school. I was doing my hair and makeup because I wanted to take a break from doing my school work. It was around 9 p.m. when you Snapchatted me. Earlier that day you had been Snapchatting me as well.

We met on Tinder, but we have known each other since freshman year of college.

When you had first Snapchatted me, I replied. I believe you sent me a picture of the margarita you were drinking... you told me it wasn't that good and the service was slow. You asked if you could come over and I said no. I shouldn't have let you come over but I did. I said no at first because I'm an introvert and I like to be alone, plus I knew you probably just wanted to get in my pants.

I had told my roommate I matched with you on Tinder. It's funny how you were trying to sleep with her, too.

I decided to invite you over because I wanted to see your reaction when you realized the two girls you have been trying to sleep with actually lived together. I just wanted to see your face when you saw both of us under the same roof, living together. You got to my apartment about three minutes after I invited you, you must've been excited.

We started in my living room, we sat on my futon, you were really close, but I didn't think anything of it.

I then asked if you wanted to go to my room because I figured we would be more comfortable there, so we went. When you asked to shut the door I didn't agree, so we left it open. We got on my bed and we were kind of close because my bed is a Twin XL. We talked about a lot of different things, your life, my life, your major, my major, where we live, what we want to do, things like that.

Then, you tried to kiss me... no warning. I didn't kiss back. I pulled away. You then put your hand on my chest on top of my shirt. I sort of looked at it and back at you and moved it away. You tried kissing me again, this time with force and tongue.

I said "no" again. You put your hand under my shirt and you took your pants off, without asking if I was OK with it. Your dick was poking out through your underwear and I was left there trying not to look at it because that isn't what I wanted at all. I tried to ignore it. I asked you what you were doing and you replied with: "I don't know, it just happened."

How does that "just happen"?! I asked you if you knew what "no" meant.

You then proceeded to try to put your hands down my pants, I kept pulling your hands away, but you managed to get your hands in my pants and you started fingering me. I was squirming. I didn't want to like it. I didn't want this at all. I told you to stop. You then bit my boob, so hard there were teeth marks. You choked me until I couldn't breathe, I didn't like that.

You took my pants off and then my underwear. I was lying there with my T-shirt on wondering what you were going to do next. You told me you wanted a blowjob. I looked at you and you looked at me. I was scared that if I didn't do it, you were going to force me to anyway.

I only did it for about two minutes before you moved and got on top of me. I was unsure the whole time and you knew it.

When you started assaulting me, I asked you to stop. I specifically said, "I don't want to do this." I said "no." You kept going. It wasn't until I said "NO!" very firmly and managed to sit up that you finally stopped.

We both got up, got dressed, and walked outside. As you were going back to your car you asked me:

"Are you mad at me?" I then realized what had just happened and was trying to hold back tears.

I said "yes," the only time I said yes all night.

That was the last time I heard from you and saw you, you hurt me in more ways than I can count.

I just want to know why you thought to do this to someone when they said no several times was OK? Did I give you mixed signals? Did I do something wrong? What happened? WHY did you think it was OK to do that?

One swipe right was all it took to give me nightmares, vivid dreams, trouble sleeping, panic attacks, and PTSD.

I spent nine hours in the hospital that night when you were sound asleep, why does the victim have to go through so much? I guess that's just how the system works.

If you or someone you know has been abused or needs help leaving an abusive situation, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673).

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