College. Before we get here, it’s a mysterious place, filled with so much unknown. Who are my friends going to be? What sorority am I going to be in? Am I going to finally find a boy to deal with me for more than a week? Yes, college seems like the most magical place ever, until you get here, and let me tell you, the only thing that’s “magical” about this place is the amount of late night food delivery options and bouncers' leniency for fake IDS.
Unfortunately, college is the furthest thing from “magical”; it’s actually most people’s version of hell and here’s why:
1. If you think you can skip class and it’s no big deal because the state can’t fine you for truancy, you’re wrong.
If you skip class not only are you probably missing valuable participation points that are going to save you from failing later on, you’re also flushing, on average, about $30 for in-state students and $100 for out-of-state. Even if you have a legitimate excuse, professors don’t care.2. “It’s easy to stay on top of things if you’re organized.”
I think this is the biggest lie I’ve been told about college, ever. I am the world's most organized human, I have three calendars for Christ sake but you best believe I still have to cram into the wee hours of the night to get all the absolutely absurd amount of work I’m assigned weekly done. To put this into perspective, how is anyone not supposed to cram when in one week they are assigned 3 exams, 1 speech, 1 quiz & a project. I’m pretty badass and all but contrary to popular belief I am not freaking superwoman. I cannot add hours to the day to have time to get everything done on top of doing normal human things like you know, eating, eating, peeing… like come on, people throw me a bone.
3. Meeting a boy to tolerate me for more than a week.
I actually never believed that when people told me it, because I know I’m a high- maintenance psycho, so I knew the odds of this were slim and boy was I right. While I played cool for the first three years of school and kept my tendencies at bay, I now don’t really care about what the frat-daddies think about me. I’m going to do and say as I please and I’m going to call and text you until you answer and if you don’t like it then boy BYE. Who needs a boyfriend when freshmen are more than happy to buy your drinks, wings or French fries and then an Uber home? One day a boy will make it his life-long goal to try and tame me and we’ll fall madly in love, until then…freshmen servants are good enough for me.
Basically, if you enjoy being in the library until your eyes physically cannot stay open and you haven’t eaten in two days and boys are mean to you and professors do all they can to induce mental-breakdowns, college is the place for you! But, if you’re a normal human who enjoys regular sleep schedules and normal levels of sanity than college is going to be your personal hell that is forced upon you. Because without it, you’ll be a craft beer and chicken wing slave until you’re too old to hold three beers in your hand…and who wants that? So let’s all suffer these four years together and then celebrate for weeks when we get to leave this hellhole.
