College is stressful. I'll say it again, college is stressful! Is this some new groundbreaking revelation? Will I win a Pulitzer prize for figuring out a complete unknown? Am I going to be walking into a room of scientist cheering at my groundbreaking discovery, that'll cure cancer? No, because water is wet and I need to get over myself. Planning your future, navigating the social atmosphere and figuring out how you'll afford college; all of these obstacles can be huge barriers that prevent success. Why am I so, brazenly astounded by it? Previously, I ineffectively attempted to balance a full-time job and academia full-time. Which, was a recipe for disaster. Now, I'm fully leaned in like Sheryl Sandberg asking modern American women. Saddle up, it's going to be a bumpy ride and your seatbelt is hanging by a thread of duct tape, so drive cautiously over those potholes, called life.

I can never stick the landing because moving into my dorm is like ice skating: I broke my arm the first and last time I went ice skating. I moved into my dorm and I discovered, the first pangs of strife. I was placed in a single room. Which, of course, is awesome! However, I discovered someone had already placed themselves in my room. This resulted in roughly a three-hour relay race attempting to figure out why someone else was in my room. This long badminton game of back and forth was over when I discovered someone pushed the double beds together. The beds were supposed to be separated resulting in everyone moving a room over. Last semester, I attempted to move into my dorm, only to discover a cloud of marijuana, a party, and my mother. Needless to say, my mother didn't approve. She initially exclaimed under her breath but audible "What kind of shit is this?" which is golden (sarcasm) for a first impression.

This was cruel almost as worse as that math class, I had taken with a professor with broken English. Math isn't my strong suit but pair that up with a rapid-fire professor and I'm sinking faster than the Titanic. I stared at the board as the professor droned on for an eternity in Astronomy: I had no clue what this man was talking about. Declination, Celestial Plan, Degree, Formula, all of it went flying over my head, and I was ready to say--done. Done, failure to launch--rom-com style, with no sexy Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McConaughey but a sad millennial adult man-child living in his parent's basement, working a 9-5 job that'll slowly crush any form of hope out of his life. I'm drowning fast already, and Rose doesn't have enough space on her makeshift life raft for Jack, so where the hell will she find space for me?

College is expensive as well--duh! What's next Deshawn, is the sky blue? The financial cost for the semester, as well as the cost of books, can be overwhelming. Dad has constantly asked: How long till you graduate? Something, I should of accomplished eons ago but due to extenuating circumstances: full-time job, a mental breakdown and trying to avoid living under my authoritarian parent household--I haven't. I've tried. I tried softening the blow, by putting myself through school but it doesn't work. Anyone who says there managing a full-time job and school full-time is a freaking liar. They're always doing homework last minute or paying someone to do it for them. I ultimately did more harm than good trying to hold the weight of my world. I just had to accept--college is ridiculously expensive. I'm quite, aware of the financial burden I've placed on my parents. I mean are you serious!?! You mean you don't want to flip burgers? Well, then get a degree and incur a lifetime of debt and hopefully, your shit will figure itself out! Plus, we know kids are also incredibly impressionable in your transition to adulthood so will keep throwing that wives' tale at America's youth and flood the market with degrees, ultimately depreciating the value of it and drowning are children with a lifetime of debt. I haven't even looked at the cost of books because like, being on the top of the roller coaster, I can't believe this is happening. I'm getting financially beaten like a pinata and afterward, I'll sheepishly pick myself up and utter: I'm okay like I didn't get assaulted with enough force to slash a decade of my life.

College is an endeavor and I want that degree; however, everything feels overwhelming. While I attempt to form a coherent thought as the room next door blasts loud music and scramble my brain like an egg on a sidewalk; I realize it's a struggle. The struggle to make sense of life, the struggle to find an occupation you won't grow to hate, the struggle to figure out your finances, the struggle to find a social niche and a place where you--belong. Figuring your shit out has never been one beautiful blueprint gone perfect but an arduous task of showing up daily and trying to turn your wildest dreams into reality. And for the first time in forever Sandberg, I'm balls deep into this education and discovering I shouldn't have forgotten the lube.