There is something to be said about the weirdness of being in college and only being a year shy of entering the infamous 20s. In this weird time, in between being a child and an adult, a lot goes on. Most of it goes above my head. I thought I still had a few years until engagement announcements and baby photos began to enter my timeline. However, I was terribly mistaken. I have entered the time in one's life where they see people acting like children at parties sucking on beer bottles as though they are bottles of formula, or encounter those girls who are constantly seeking their "MRS degree" or being one who is like me trying to get a hold a life.
Have only been living on my "own" for four months, I have been totally oblivious to everything about me. I would look in the mirror every day and see the same person, however, when I look closely, things started to look different, though I really never dwelled on it. But suddenly, I looked in the mirror and saw something totally different. It was still me, but it was someone I didn't know. Over the course of my short time in college, I have turned into someone else, but not in a bad way. It was bound to happen, but at times, I still feel deep down inside that nothing has changed, but a lot has.
Throughout one's childhood, you see change, but don't realize it at the time. Honestly, childhood felt like forever, but I don't remember leaving it. Most of it was a blur. Yet, I have this sensation where I know I am not in it anymore, but I don't know what I entered. I feel as though I entered this weird place where people aren't sure who they are. It is a world filled with a constant identity crisis that I really didn't know I entered until recently. Maybe I am one of those few people who are too aware of their surroundings.
I see people differently now, not because of where I am or who I am, but I see others who are in this in-between place like me but are unaware of it or they are just lost. They act like infants whiny and restless, yet they speak like Samantha from "Sex and the City" discussing their recent conquest openly not giving two thoughts about how people perceive them. I am not one of them. Then there are those who believe they need to prove they are better than the beer guzzling college partiers.
These self-proclaimed intellects make themselves feel superior by questioning others' intellects and social behavior. They look down their noses at the typical juvenile college behavior, when in reality, they are more scared of life the partiers who stay out until the wee hours of the morning. They are scared because they don't know their worth without demeaning others. They fear they are minnows swimming in an ocean filled with sharks.
Then there is me. I don't fit into either one of those two groups. While I am not exactly sure of who I am, I don't think for a second I have forgotten about the person I was. I feel like I have begun to let myself be myself. I look at pictures of myself from a year ago and compare them to pictures from today, and I see a person who is growing and evolving. Someone who is speaking the truth, feeling more comfortable with change, and someone who is more comfortable with me. I still don't know the person I will end up being, but I am learning to deal with being a person living in this place in-between.