My sister and I were very active kids growing up: sports, arts and school all required that we interact with and learn from instructors. I am sorry to say that many of those coaches and teachers were not very graceful in the ways they taught us and spurred us to higher achievement. And I know my sister and I were not alone in these experiences.
When we suffered under the ire of these coaches, however appropriate it may have been, my dad would always tell us, "listen to what they're saying, not how they're saying it." My dad was coached by the legendary Jim Boeheim at Syracuse, so that makes him the resident expert at his own advice. This advice is an endpoint, and an admirable one; the question is, how do we get to that point?
Obstacles are in our way: pride, self image, weakness and an easily-offended spirit to name a few. But the Gospel of Jesus Christ is all-encompassing and it is our only hope for overcoming these sinful tendencies. It enables us to be coached by even the very worst of coaches because we know in our soul that we have been accepted by the ultimate Coach.
That ultimate Coach came to the world and took on the form of a man to die in our place and free us from the burden of earning acceptability before God. He did this to redeem us so that He can enjoy us forever in His presence, and vice versa. When this reality sinks into our soul and we allow it to change our lives, the criticism of man no longer has as much power to wound us as it used to.
Before we experience Gospel revelation, our security is dependent upon the opinions of others to a significant degree (and for some of us, a lot more than that). But when we realize that God loved us so desperately that He bankrupted Heaven to rescue us just so He could be with us forever and that this love will never ever change no matter what we do, we experience a whole new unassailable security--the kind of security we were created to live in from the beginning. It's security in God's unchanging, absolutely sacrificial love.
1 Thessalonians 2:4 (ESV) says, "but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the Gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts." This truth gives us the humility and security to filter our coaches' criticism, however harsh its coating may be, so that we isolate the parts of it that are fair and learn from them.
The best part of this revelation is that it goes beyond just coaches. In every area of our lives, we can take criticism without despairing and use it to improve and repent. Timothy and Kathy Keller wrote, "The strongest Christians are the ones most willing to repent."
Later in 1 Thessalonians, Pauls tells us that we don't mourn in despair the way the world does because we have blessed assurance; we also don't receive criticism the way the world does, because we have security and peace in God's perfect love. J.R.R. Tolkien wrote that, "praise from the praise-worthy is above all reward." We have that highest of rewards and it releases us from the chains of insecurity so that we can experience true self-scrutiny in our quest to become all God has called us to be.
