From the beginning of my educational career, I’ve always dreamt about the “college experience.” From the start of grade school to high school’s graduation ceremony, the word “college” has always promised many, many things - new opportunities, experiences, and most importantly, new social circles. Since middle school, social circles in the small town I’ve lived in have always been “closed.” It was hard to make new friends during middle school, a time when all of us were questioning our identity and going through adolescence. Friends were close-knit, and if you weren’t “popular” enough, or “smart” enough, or “attractive” enough, you weren’t part of the “clique.” Cliques have always been existent in my small town; there was the “popular” clique, the “band geeks,” the “intelligent” clique, and the “outsiders.” This was a confusing time for me; as I was trying to figure out who I was, it daunted on me that I didn’t really fit into any clique. I had different parts to my personality, and it was difficult to classify myself according to one “category.” Making friends in middle school was extremely difficult, and except for a few close friends, I felt alone most of the time. As 8th-grade graduation neared by, I promised myself that high school would be different – but oh, was I wrong.
High school wasn’t any different. I went to high school in the same small town, and coincidentally, the middle and high school buildings were right next to each other. High school had its own advantages – the variety of class choices, a larger school population, and a considerably sizable building seemed to promise me that things would be different. “You’ll make more friends, Ameera. This is a fresh start.” I would tell myself. But the high school experience didn’t seem to be much more different. People that stayed friends in middle school still stayed friends in high school. Sure, there were more students but the school population wasn’t much different than middle school – it was a small town, and for the most part, these were still the same people. I would keep seeing the same faces over and over again every day. Except for a few close friends, I again still felt alone. How am I supposed to make new friends? How hard is it to hang out with someone I’ve just met? Everyone’s stuck in their own clique, their own social circle... Their own little world. This again left me confused. Was there something wrong with me? Am I socially awkward? In high school, I was involved in numerous clubs, regularly volunteered at local community organizations, and graduated with honors. I was confident, open, and vocal. School wasn’t the issue; making new friends was. As high school graduation neared by, I promised myself that college would be different – but I never realized that these promises I make to myself are all too false.
At this point in time, I hated cliques. I truly didn’t understand why individuals would make friends, and once they’ve “had enough,” would refuse to “include anyone else in their group”. What group? We’re all human. We’re all the same, just with different experiences. With this mindset, I was determined to have the best four years of my life. This was it. This was the college experience I was dreaming about since elementary school. I went to college in a small town not far from my hometown, with a student body of about 6,400. The student body was much more different, with people coming in from lots of other small towns in our surrounding area of Northwest Indiana. At first, the freedom, flexibility, and newness of the college environment excited me. I loved it. I made new friends but wanted more. Because it was a small college, I still ended up having the same people in my classes year after year. The same faces. Now, it’s senior year in college and I wish I could have done more – but done more of what? I was already in a handful of clubs, volunteering, shadowing, working, and doing as much as I possibly could. Every club has its own “members”, its own “elections”. These are clubs where all the officers are members of one “clique”; their elections are pre-planned, and in a room full of 10 people, nine of them are part of the same clique and end up re-electing each other. What is this? These are environmental settings where everyone worries about what the other person is doing – competition is real. Here, these handful of people are more concerned with whether I’m applying to medical school, dental school, or PA school rather than who I am, where I come from, and what my experiences are. They judge me based on a grade I received on a stupid exam, rather than who I am a person. I thought college was supposed to be inclusive of everyone, regardless of their background, ethnicity, or educational standing. I thought college was about meeting new people from all aspects of the world, not about seeing the same competitive faces day after day. I thought college was a time to find yourself, not to compete with the same students in your class over and over again. Now, as I’m applying to professional school, I’ve finally learned my lesson – I will not promise myself anything anymore. Once you’re in college, you’re in the real world – leave your cliques behind.
