February was the start of water therapy, and it was nothing short of horrible in the beginning. The first day being only the evaluation left him in more pain then I think I had ever seen him in. He called me in tears ranting about how he was never going back. Over and over all I heard was that this was simply going to make him worse and the next three days he was barley able to get out of bed. Having to crawl to the bathroom that night my heart was broken, and I blamed myself. Feeling as if I had pushed him too much this time, but we talked through it and he went back the next week. Hurting a lot afterwards it was hard to watch but as the weeks went on he got stronger and stronger and stronger.
I watched him go from being a fall hazard to walking actual laps "normally" in the pool. He excelled rapidly and was soon moved onto land while together we used the pool afterwards as sort of a cool down. Adding in one more lap each time we went, I think this has been my favorite part of his recovery if there has to be one. Simply because when I tell you that it is nothing short of amazing to watch him in the water its honestly an understatement but at the moment I lack the right vocabulary. As we swim and walk laps in the lazy river Tyler honestly just glows almost and he's happy. He's expressed numerous times how much he just feels like himself in the water and I wish everyday that we could some how be aquatic people. That we could live functionally like this because in the water Tyler is himself, we can hold hands normally and he's able to pick me up and carry me. I think for a second we both tend to forget he's even sick in the first place. Along with this we've also taken a more holistic approach to his treatments, making a big change in our diet (trying to at least), and are doing a lot of extra work outs at home. We now have a board up in his room that keeps track of all his progress and a binder where we keep record of how he's feeling and write in little daily accomplishments, along with what the weather was like that day and the medicine he has taken.
It's now the end of May and and while things aren't where we would like them to be Tyler has still come such a long way. He's now able to walk 36 laps in the pool which is a little less then two miles. (44 = two miles). He's up to 60 reps using a three pound ball during our at home work outs and we'll be getting a five pound ball soon. He's able to walk about 7 total steps up and down without the assistance of his arms, he can do about 120 squats (60 with the ball 60 without), and he's even able to throw now. Something super special that happened was Tyler actually used the first time we threw together since he got sick to ask me to prom. In the simplest of terms it truly meant the world to me.
He's also walking a whole lot more. Long distances are still hard but depending on how he's feeling that day he can sometimes walk a ton. As of right now he can get into his doctors without his chair and usually restaurants and more confined or smaller places. I look at him and am just in awe of how far he's come.
To talk more about feelings I think this time around has been a lot harder mentally. It's been a lot of knowing that one day this will come to an end and be okay but also being afraid that the end is no where near. There have been tear filled days and times where it just felt like it made more sense to simply give up, but that was never a real option. Honestly it's all just been very frustrating, he's been down this time for seven months now and still I'll forget completely that anythings even wrong; although when I do remember it still feels like a sledgehammer straight to the gut. I go out and see other couples doing things "normally" and I just don't understand why we can't. Why he has to be the one to deal with this. Though as selfless as Tyler is he'll tell you that he's happy that this at least happened to him and not anyone else. And I guess if this did have to happen I'm glad that I get to dredge through it with him.
Right now we're just trying to learn to live functionally, because although this isn't where we want to be it's where we are and life isn't just going to stop for us. And we're making it work, I know one day we'll get there. No matter how overwhelming all the appointments get or how hard some days feel we'll make it through this and look back and just be grateful we made it. I've realized that if we can get through this we'll be able to get through anything.
We're strong. He's strong. And nothing's going to stop him.
