People have often asked me why I waited until college to date. In all honesty, I didn't wait until I got to college per say, I chose not to date because in high school I realized I didn't love myself.
Freshmen and sophomore year of high school I felt so lonely because I didn't have a boyfriend. I wanted a boyfriend to call me pretty and make me feel loved. I wanted to be shown affection, but looking back I realized I only wanted a boyfriend to feel better about myself. I thought by having a boyfriend then I would start to feel pretty and love myself more.
Little did I realize I was going after all of the wrong guys. I was going after guys who didn't respect me. They didn't respect that I was waiting for sex, and they definitely didn't respect my Christian faith. Yet I thought that I could make them change because it was nice to be told I was pretty and all. It wasn't until the end of my sophomore year that I had to take a step back and realized what I was doing to myself was toxic. I was trying to find love from guys because I truly wasn't loving myself.
So I decided to cut guys out of my life unless they were my friends. I was serious and determined to find self-love. So my junior and senior year I worked on building up my self-esteem. I started to form a positive mindset about myself when I looked in the mirror instead of critiquing ever inch of my body.
I realized that I can't get the love I need from guys because some guys only say the right things to get what they want. I needed to better myself and give myself the mindset that at the end of the day I am a beautiful and strong girl who does not need to settle for a guy who truly doesn't value me.
By the time senior year was ending I decided I was strong enough to start back in on the dating game. Of course, that fall I was moving to college, so I ultimately decided it would be best to just go about life and search for happiness instead of trying to find love.
Instead of being sad about being single, I didn't really care that I was 19 and have never dated before. I was happy. I valued myself more, and most importantly I loved myself much more than I did at the beginning of high school. I wasn't going to settle for guys who didn't respect my beliefs in values. I knew I was much better than that and I was going to stay with that mindset.
Towards the end of the first semester of my freshmen year is when I started talking to the guy who would eventually end up my boyfriend. He respected my values and beliefs. He truly cared about me for me. There are times where I do get down about my body and it results in me comparing myself to a potato, and my boyfriend just gives me this look and goes, "Babe, you are beautiful and you do not look like a potato".
So yes, I waited a while before I started dating, but it was because I needed to truly love and better myself. I needed to learn that although I may not be 100% in love what my looks, I still deserved every ounce of love from myself to not settle on a guy who doesn't truly love me for me.
