I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm just a scared pre-medicine student that doesn't think or know if she's going to get into medical school. I'm here to tell you that you're wrong. I know I could be a doctor; there is no doubt in my mind. I have just finally come to terms with the fact that that isn't where my heart is. I don't want to be a doctor; I want to be a nurse.

"Oh, okay. So you want to be bossed around all day instead of being the boss?" No, not at all. I'm doing more than just being bossed around and providing medical care; I'm providing love, comfort, compassion, and empathy while answering the questions that no one wants to answer. I will be making an intimate influence on my patients, an influence I find that for a medical doctor, who has patients to see on every floor, hard to make. It isn't for the recognition. It isn't for the fame. It's for far more than I'll ever be able to express in words. If you're wondering how someone goes from thinking they're 110% going to medical school to applying to accelerated BSN programs, keep reading. We're going to get a little personal and talk about the events that made me realize where my heart truly was all along.

First, let me say I started out wanting to be a pediatric oncology nurse, but like most people, I forced myself into this "pre-med bubble," because why not be the doctor instead? I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I knew it would be so worth it. My freshman year of college started the first of many long, stress filled, sleepless nights with more tears than I thought I could ever cry. But still, I pressed on and told myself it would all be worth it. Now, fast forward to the middle/early end of the first semester of my sophomore year.

I'm volunteering at Riley's Children Hospital and I get a call that would change my whole outlook on life. My Grandpa, one of the greatest people ever (I know everyone says that, but seriously. This man's heart was made of pure gold), had been rushed to the hospital via ambulance. I was assured not to worry and to continue my volunteer hours that evening. This would start the beginning of a series of life altering news.

I won't go into details about all the news, as that isn't really what's important here. What's important is that I maybe saw his doctors twice and for maybe five minutes both of those times. I was there every single day for at least two whole weeks. You know who I did see, though? I saw nurses, in several different units, tirelessly taking care of this man who was just a stranger to them. A man that was not only important to my family, but to them as well. I saw nurses genuinely care for my Grandpa in a way that a doctor could never show. I saw compassion on their faces, a compassion I knew I had all along.

As those weeks in the hospital were coming to an end, it was still the nurses who impacted and influenced him, and us, the most. I can tell you each nurse by name and which shift they worked, but I couldn't tell you what his doctors' were. I can tell you which nurses made him smile and brought him joy and happiness in his last days with us.

It wasn't the doctors who came in and confirmed what we already knew as we were holding his hands watching him take his final breaths, it was a nurse. It was the nurses who had the toughest conversations with my family. It was the nurses that truly lifted our spirits when they could hardly be lifted. It was the nurses.

Yes, I know it isn't the doctors' faults that they can't be that intimate and personal with patients. But, it would be my fault if I didn't let myself be who I wanted to my patients. Recently, I finally refused to let myself go into an occupation I wouldn't be satisfied in.

So, yes. I want to be a nurse instead of a doctor. I'll gladly lose that two letter acronym beside my name and have it replaced with a couple others. I will gladly be bossed around and yelled at impatiently. I will be the person that aggravates you with pokes and prods like a vampire. I will anger you with medication. I will annoy you to no end, but I will happily do so.

My heart, compassion, and every single aspect of me, is in nursing. I cannot wait for the day I gain my pediatric oncology nurse certification and can be everything that every nurse has been to my family, and even more, to others.

I know it won't be easy. I know I'll cry, stress, and lose an unhealthy amount of sleep, but it'll be so incredibly worth it.